Geisha School Dropout

Sponsored: The Best Advice My Mom Ever Gave Me

Thank you to Tout for sponsoring this post and encouraging me to share mom’s best advice! Visit the SELF + The Honest Co. + Tout contest  on.self.com/MomKnows  to share the best advice you received from your mom and enter to win $500 worth of The Honest Company product and a Maya Brenner Designs necklace valued at $200, in addition to having their Tout featured on SELF.com.  Additionally, for every response, a donation will be made to Baby2Baby.  

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The best advice my mom ever gave me actually started with an insult.  

"Julie-yah, since it seems you will always be fat, be the interesting girl...and the one who has the best skin."

 Emotional scars aside, I did take her admonitions to heart, and she was right.  I am never the prettiest girl in the room, but I am the girl having the most fun, and that grabs people's attention.  And by the law of social induction, interesting folk seek out other interesting folk, so pretty soon you're surrounded by an awesome group of fascinating co-conspirators, a few of whom who could not imagine life without you in it, and thus the seeds of romance are planted.

So how does one become interesting?  There are a lot of different strategies: you can be funny, be smart enough to be able to help anyone with their homework, become adroit at a hobby, keep up with current events, know a lot about sports and pop culture, or be the car wreck people can't help but slow down and watch (this strategy, however, is risky).  Or, you know, be a mix of everything. What's most important is to be someone with an open heart who is sincerely curious about how other people tick, and people will feel good just being around you.

Okay, now on to the skin.  It is so, so, so much easier to maintain already-young skin and postpone aging than to try to reverse the clock.  Cleanse, moisturize, and put on sunscreen in the morning, and you won't be reaching for the hardcore hydroxy acids in your twenties.  For bonus points, go to an esthetician for facials once a month, and you'll be gleaming like a Barbie doll at all times.

Take me for example.  I've always been mistaken for being younger than I am, sometimes ridiculously younger.  I'm 33 now, a mother of two, and the last time I bought tickets for an R-rated movie, the teenager in the ticket booth asked for ID.  I know, that's not that great, in fact it might be a liability to look too young, but I think I'll be happy to cash in on my dermatological fastidiousness when I'm 50.

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Let's see what Jessica Alba has to say:

 

Thank you again to Tout for sponsoring my post. Visit on.self.com/MomKnows  to share the best advice you received from your mom.  Fans and readers can reply directly via webcams at www.Tout.com, through Tout’s mobile application, on www.Facebook.com/TheHonestCompany andwww.Self.com/health/mothers-day in addition to other promotional sites.  Viewers can watch the entire stream of replies on the Tout widget on http://www.self.com and share their favorites to their Facebook, Twitter or Pinterest pages, as well as by email and SMS.

Cardio Jam of the Week

Who can get me to speed up the pace, no matter how discouraged or tired I am?  It's Britney, bitch!

Not to say that I did anything remotely healthy this week other than the Turkey Trot.

Wagon, back on its.  On Monday.  Promise!

Cardio Jam of the Week

I have a confession to make: I haven't done much cardio at all this past week, oy!  I keep feeling the itch to, and I even change for it, but I just can't seem to head out the door. 

Therefore, this song goes out to Weight Loss:

Cardio Jam of the Week

Fast and uplifting is always welcome during one of my walks, but sometimes the miles melt away when the music empathizes with the suffering part of working out too.

When the strings take over, it's nothing short of glorious.

Crazy Day

Title says it all.

Tim is en route to Montreal,  Emi is home sick, Isaac has early dismissal days all the way until next Wednesday, there were glitches at work, and I am sleepy and hungry.  And miles to go before I sleep, I'm afraid.

And gaining weight.  :(  Halloween + my birthday + this one huge pasta meal I had a couple weeks ago seems to have snapped my body out of burning mode  and back to conserving mode.  Right after I posted about weight loss, argh!

Here are a few moments of zen.  First up, some random basketball drill Isaac did at sports camp during the summer.  Isaac is in the first row wearing bright orange shorts:

Next up, a favorite scene of mine from "The Lion King":

And here is Kirsten Dunst in various stages of mortification:

 

Finally Growing Up

Today is my birthday.  I am 33.

I just took this picture a few minutes ago.  I don't look too different from last year, but I feel like I have grown up a bit; I can see it in my eyes.

Nine weeks ago, I started a diet and exercise regimen.  It's under the guise of participating in the Long Beach Losers challenge, but mostly my brain just decided to do it, actually do it, for real this time.  I've lost 12 pounds so far.  

They have been by far the hardest, slowest pounds I've lost in my life because I'm not taking any shortcuts.  I walk a 5k four times a week and the other three days I work on strengthening my upper body.  I'm recording everything I put into my body to make sure I am staying on target nutritionally; I wear a heart rate monitor to make sure I'm not working out too easy or too hard.  I keep reminding myself that these changes have to be slow in order to be permanent.  But I am so impatient!

At this rate, I'll be at my high school graduation weight in April.  My BMI will still be considered unhealthy, but I think I'll be happy stopping there.  I will never be a petite person, but I'm totally fine with that.  My milkshake will still bring a couple boys to the fence, if not into the yard.  But more importantly, I'll be able to keep up with Emi in a footrace (Isaac is already way faster than me).

Here are some personal goals I have for the following year of life:

1. Camp outdoors with tents, sleeping bags, the whole nine yards.

2. Travel to a country or state I've never been to before.

3. Teach the kids to sing in harmony on a Simon & Garfunkel song.

4. Bike from my house to my parents' house via the San Gabriel River Bike Trail.

5. Run a 5k!

6. Build something with wood (maybe a new coop?).

7. Work harder to spread the love and help my fellow man.  I am admiring the Occupy movement from afar; maybe it's time to lessen the distance.

This year's birthday jam: "Thirty-Three" by Smashing Pumpkins, of course!  I've forgotten how stunning the video is.

Second Grade Playground Racism Called, and It Wants Its Joke Back

I have long been a fan of formerly-plus-size model Crystal Renn.  She was such a luscious bastion of perfection without being a size 0:

 

Although I will admit that I was a little let down at first by her steady metamorphosis towards the mainstream standard of beauty, I am still a staunch admirer.  This is what she looks like now:

Still gorgeous, yes; just a little less to love!

But now this:

From: http://www.refinery29.com/is-taping-your-eyes-to-look-asian-the-new-blackface

How was this allowed to happen?  And in the moment, how could this have been stopped?  Obviously someone amongst the team of stylists, editors, photographers, and make-up artists came up with and pushed for the eye-slanting for none other than Vogue Japan.   I personally can't see how Ms. Renn could have protested amidst all the other primping and prodding, so no blame lies with her, but I am angered by whoever associated her with the oldest Asian joke in the book. 

Was this somehow some clumsy and tone-deaf-as-fuck attempt at ingratiating Ms. Renn and Dolce & Gabbana to an Asian audience?  Because if anything, this just distracts from the clothes and her beauty.  First of all, the taping was done unevenly, so she looks odd.  But most importantly, she doesn't look more Asian at all because obviously, the rest of her face isn't Asian, and for the millionth time in my life, not all of us Asian people have "chink eyes"!!!  Argh!  If you knew Asian people at all, you'd know that 1. Dolce & Gabbana doesn't have to resort to racist editorial spreads to garner attention...Asia LOOOOOOVES them already and 2. If anything, we actually prefer BIG eyes.

I would love to hear other people's points of view on this.  Meanwhile, me and my round-eyed Asian ass will sit huddled in the nearest corner.  :(

A Few of My Favorite Things

It's Winter Break in the Mang household, and since it's been so rainy these past few days, I thought I should take some time to list the things I am thankful for before I blow a gasket.  I can't believe the last time I listed things that made me happy was almost two years ago!  Shameful!  

1. Not dieting

I've decided to give myself a pass this holiday season by not paying too much attention to my diet.  I obviously still have to lose more weight, but I'm fine with it not being right now.  Obsessing over calorie/carb/vitamin/protein count has made Julie a dull, crabby girl.  As Tim said to me the other day, "Can you please eat whatever you want so you can be happy, even if that means eventually needing mobility assistance?"  Consider it done!  

2. Proper rain gear

I never found a pair of boots that could accommodate my Chun Li calves.  But a couple months ago, in a fit of restlessness, I decided to order my first pair of galoshes, and I am so glad I did!  The Tretorn Skerry boots I bought stop before my legs really start to expand, so although my calves balloon out the top, I'm still protected from the kids' splashes!  Paired with my bright yellow raincoat, I am completely impenetrable during this series of storms, and I'm a happy fat camper once more.

   +    = 


3. Whatever color Cheep Cheep's eggs are

I just can't stop staring at my chicken's eggs!  Is that creepy?  Here is what they look like compared to both a white and brown egg:

And this is what they look like inside:

I love that golden color just as much as the green eggshell.  Ah, my inner Martha has reawakened.

I ate Cheep Cheep's first egg raw, mixed with some natto.  It was divine.

4. My resident first grader

Isaac has lost 3 teeth in 3 days, and he started to feel a little bad for the Tooth Fairy.  He left her a note last night:

And who looks this adorable with 4 missing front teeth?

5. Emi for just being Emi

I'm Sorry

Can anyone more Korean than I am tell me the difference between 미안합니다 and 재송합니다?  I tend to favor the latter, but the Internet seems to not use that phrase much at all.  Is it antiquated?

Anyway, regardless of the correct way to say it in Korean, I'm sorry I missed blogging yesterday.  Most likely, however, like Tim asserts, people probably didn't even notice, and if they did, they didn't care.  I hope that is the case.  I care, though, because I'm a stubborn mule and like to finish what I start.  Oh well.

The reason why I didn't blog is because I got kinda drunk last night.  Not anywhere near college frat party level, but I had an Absinthe, an Old-Fashioned, and a Daiquiri at 320 Main, a steak and chops place that looks and acts a little bit like a speakeasy.  The hostess really, really sounded like Betty Boop, and the bartender wore a fedora and really took our drink orders seriously. Ah, mixology as an artform, something that is so depressingly rare these days.  I would love to become a regular there, if only I wasn't legally bound to care for my biological children.  The website looks like it's a fancy place, but it really has a neighborhood bar feel and everyone was friendly and knowledgeable.

We feasted on a grand old leisurely 2.5 hour dinner, where I ate a bunch of carbs (specifically, these FUCKING LEKKER pommes frites topped with slivers of cured duck and caramelized onion, AND they had this dessert called the Cookie Monster, a warm, way-too-buttery-but-come-on-there's-no-such-thing-as-too-buttery cookie with vanilla ice cream, whipped cream, and chocolate sauce...totally simple but FRIGGEN FINGER LICKIN').  There was a rib-eye thrown in there for good measure.  Sorry, pancreas.  I am back on the wagon today.  

After a meal such as that, would YOU want to blog about teaching Korean to your children?  Hell, no!  You would do what I did, which was pay the babysitter, kiss the kids good night, grab the vodka from the freezer, head outside, and smoke and shoot the shit with the love of your life and have drunken-yet-enthusiastic intercourse and go to sleep to the sound of your own snoring!

Tomorrow is the last day of July.  I may or may not post, so I'd like to take the time now to thank you for your patience as you slogged through 30 days of mediocre posts!  August will herald the return to a hopefuly-weekly schedule, including a chronicling of the Epic Mang Family Vacation the week of 8/23-8/27.  If you know us at all, you know that we usually spend our vacation time visiting family, but this time, it will just be us 4, stumbling and bumbling our way through the beautiful tropical paradise known as Maui.  It's everyone's first time (except for Tim, who at one point of his glamorous life, lived in Hawaii), so anything can happen.  

Maggie, Rosie, and Cheep Cheep promise to hold the fort.  Yeah, right!  When we come back, there will be mirrors with blow caked on them lying abandoned all over the backyard, and 10,000 eggs.

***UPDATE: My baby sister has corrected my ghetto Korean.  It's 죄송, not 재송.  Oops!

OMG PONIES

Last night we ushered in the end of a long week by going to the Orange County Fair.  Isaac was extra excited because now that he is more than 48 inches tall, he'll finally be able to ride all the "big kid" rides and join the legions of kids before him who puke pink-and-blue chunks after one too many turns on the Yo-Yo and the Screaminator.

Luckily for us, he didn't puke, although he threatened to all the way home and well past bedtime!  But the weather was perfect and kids had a blast, so all in all a great EVENING!

Here are some pics:

 

 
  

 
 

Man, are these kids lucky or what?  Freaking pony rides!  I never got to ride a pony until I was in junior high school and the damn pack animal audibly GROANED when I got on and therefore gave me a complex to last me well into adulthood.  That pony was a TOTAL. BITCH.

Ahem, anyway, it's been tough for me these past few days, so I'm going out tonight with a girlfriend from high school!  Hide your liquor and lock away your daughters, The Block at Orange!  I'm ready to rampage.  My goal for the evening is to be treated like a Kobe cow.  First, someone will massage me until my meat is tender and marbled, then I will dine on the finest foods and beer until I am jollily bellowing up the ramp into the slaughterhouse.  MOO!