Geisha School Dropout

"Christmas Wish List," by Isaac

Isaac wrote a startlingly accurate portrayal of our family's current mental state for school:

Here is what my family would want if I could give them anything. This is what *I* would get them, at least.

First of all, my mom would want a trip to Hawaii, alone. In Hawaii, it’s peaceful, so she could take a trek from all the chaos in my house. Mom would also want a heated toilet because she adores the one in my grandparents’ house. Also, she’d want a piece of paper of all the Clippers autographs because she goes crazy for them!

My dad would want a new car because his aged, blue car is worn down. Another would be a whole collection of the world’s greatest books because he loves to read. Last, he’d love a king-sized bed because the one he’s using is getting cracks.

My sister, Emily, would want a Barbie because she’s always aching to get one. She’d also want an unlimited supply of donuts because she loves to eat them.

I love my family very much.

Talking to Isaac about Sandy Hook

I talked to Isaac about the school shooting at Sandy Hook Elementary on Friday evening.  I was in the middle of dropping the kids off at my parents' house so Tim and I could attend his office Christmas party, and my parents had the news blaring on the television.

I saw Isaac read the headline on the bottom of the screen, and his brow furrowed.  "What does this mean, 20 children are dead from school shooting?"

I sat on the ground and pulled him into my lap.  "Isaac, a crazy man with a bunch of guns went into an elementary school this morning and shot people.  He shot students and teachers, and they think about 27 people are dead.  20 of them are kids."

"Did they catch him?  Is he in jail?"

"He is dead too.  The police found him and he's dead.  He won't hurt anybody else."

"Okay, that's pretty good I guess."

"Emily, come over here now.  Isaac and  Emi, I'm going to tell you something that you have to promise never to forget.  If something terrible happens at school, if there is a fire or an earthquake or a burglar or a person who wants to hurt people, you need to listen to your teacher, okay?  If it's an intruder, your teacher will probably tell you to stay quiet and to hide somewhere, and if she tells you to hide somewhere, you stay hidden until the police come get you, okay?  Even if things are quiet."

They nodded.  And then I hugged them way too hard for their liking.

That night, Isaac had a pretty cool dream:

Last night I dreamed that in the future, when babies are still in the mama’s belly, that creatures that look like ticks and spiders try to attack the baby inside. But then in my dreams I invented a tiny machine, a tiny robot, that stood at the opening and attacked the ticks and spiders.

Also I wanted to make the babies safer even more, so I tried to make pills that would make a hole or ditch that the baby could hide in inside the mama’s belly, and the pills would put a cream on the baby so that anything that touched it until it was born would get a bruise and limp away. But at first the baby just fell into the hole and cried as it fell in because it was too deep. So I went back and fixed some things and tried again.  It took me four times to perfect it. Then when the baby *was* safe, I woke up.

Here are some of my more immediate thoughts during the weekend:

I understand that the US will remain a gun-toting nation for the conceivable future, and apparently yesterday's tragedy is the price the rest of us have to pay for other people's obsessions with them. I get it, and that is why I am choosing not to try to convince any pro-second-amendment folks to reconsider things. If they slept well yesterday, then they won't be convinced ever.

Perhaps I am stuck in the anger phase of mourning, but right now, if I see any of you talking about YOUR precious rights after 20 babies were taken from their families...I sneeze in your general direction and will make sure you have no influence on the minds and souls of my own children.

...

It's the tone that I object to most, I think. The pro-more-gun-control people are hand-wringing and navel-gazing and wondering about how we as a society can prevent another tragedy like this from occurring again. Meanwhile, some pro-NRA types are making jokes, being sarcastic, toting slogans. I fucking hate that. You are doing nothing for your cause.

Yes, still in anger stage of mourning.

It is now Tuesday, and not a half-hour goes by without thinking about those babies and the adults who tried to protect them.  These beautiful souls, whom I never met, yet love and miss as if they were friends, did not deserve to die that day, especially in such a violent way.  And I don't know if I handled things well with Isaac and Emi, although they do seem to be acting normally.  All tolled, I'm a mess.

My friend, WSJ columnist Jeff Yang, came up with this brilliant comic with his 9-year-old son Hudson, which got published on the NY Daily:

Thankful for Thanksgiving, by Isaac

Thanksgiving is a day where families visit their relatives.  It is a day where you can have time to meet and see cousins, grandparents, aunts, and uncles.  Happiness and joy fills everyone's soul.  This is what I'm thankful for.

For example, I'm thankful for civilization.  We wouldn't be alive if civilization wasn't made.  It's a weird, but important part of how we were made.

Also, I'm thankful for my family.  My mom helps me with my homework, my room, cleaning the dishes, and folding clothes.  My dad entertains me and makes funny face and voices.  Emily, my little sister, is playful with me.

Finally, I'm thankful for education.  We are lucky to have schools.  If we didn't, our brains would be useless.  Sooner or later, we'll graduate.  Knowledge is what makes us graduate.

That's what I'm thankful for.  But, what are you thankful for?

*******************************

Happy Thanksgiving from our home to yours!

Maggie would rather read the REAL Thanksgiving story because she gets off on violence.

Storytime with Isaac #7: Third Grade Edition

Guess who figured out how to use the electronic thesaurus?  Enjoy!  --Julie

 Monster Party

A

flash of thunder and something pure white and transparent was carrying flagrant innards and scruffy organs. You'd probably guessed what kind of singular monster I'm thinking of. Yes, a ghost was carrying the loathsome, yet luscious (to them, yeah) appetizers for the most considerable party in 2,000 years (it takes a while to plan it).

"What's goin' on?", asked a security skull. "Paaarty", replied the anxious ghost. She wanted to party. But that extremely stubborn skull yelled, "Party's not 'til the crazily lazy work zombies build it!!"

Anyways, when the party actually happened, it was an amazing party! It was full of debris (as well as flies), it smelled completely like garbage, there was an aggregation of filth, the particularly ill-flavored organs were placed on the ground, and essentially everyone was there.

"How is the food?", a ghost asked. "It's a little moldy, and they always forget eyeballs!", she replied. They always wait to have the food extra moldy.

A shrunken, grapefruit-sized head yelled, "feast starts now!!" No one listened over the chitchatting crowd. So, everyone went to their graves hungry. But, they played Pin the Human, Smell-a-brain, and Headless Baseball. When everyone left, they all cried their goodbyes and left.

The End

State of the Isaac, Grade 3

Isaac has come a long way. He's definitely a big kid now, and he is starting to have big kid concerns, such as if he's looking a fool or if he's a good dancer. During recess, he plays handball. He talks to other kids about Minecraft. He plays in a basketball league and has scored 19 points in his first two games.

A program from Scholastic called "Reading Counts," where kids earn points for reading books and taking comprehension quizzes online, successfully exploited his love for point systems and competition to finally ignite his love for reading. He just discovered "Harry Potter," and had devoured the first two books. I teared up the other day when I called him to dinner and after 5 minutes of silence, I found him lying on his stomach on the bedroom carpet, a fuzzy blanket wrapped around his middle, his nose stuck in "Prisoner of Azkaban."

Through another Scholastic program, Isaac has learned about this year's election, including an astonishing number of personal facts about the two presidential candidates, like the names of all 5 Romney sons.  Although Isaac has shown hard conservative leanings his whole life, he has decided he would vote for Barack Obama this year.  Woo hoo!

Isaac has a very gentle character. He loves to please, to win acclaim, to be considered Good. He is very intellectually curious and ambitious. He tolerates, sometimes even indulges, his little sister. He has a better grasp at what makes her tick, and more importantly, he sees her as a complete being with needs and desires like him. He isn't her first love or doting boyfriend-model like how other big brothers are sometimes described, but he is her first buddy and co-conspirator.

Isaac on Theology:

"When you die, God stands before you at the gates of heaven. He knows all the good and bad things you've done, and if you're 50% or more good, you get into heaven. If not, you go to the other place with the devils and stuff. So basically he's like the Sorting Hat and Santa Claus all in one."

Storytime with Isaac #6: Poetry Edition

Isaac learned about writing poetry in class.  Here are a couple of my favorites; they just scream "SECOND GRADE BOY!":

The Eyeball Toast

Eww
Gross! 
Who put eyeballs
in my toast?
Maybe the jelly
slid under the bed
and in his place
are eyeballs instead.
HMMM...
Strange.
But it's ok
that some things change.

Weapons

Swords, guns
daggers, too.
They are here
for me and you.
Cannons, tanks,
they're so loud.
When they hit,
they make a cloud.
They could just
blow up a tree,
and now they are
after me! 

Storytime with Isaac #5

The class has started fiction writing, and this is Isaac's first attempt.  He cracks me up, this kid.

"Out Numbered," by Isaac

One day at school 100 and 10 were rivals.  100 bragged to everyone smaller than him.  0 was constantly being teased.  0 usually had liked spending time with 10.  100 was probably the meanest student.  At least ten times a day 100 had gone to detention.

I am hearing him say his favorite words: bully, mean, teasing, and some others you're better off not knowing.  Sheesh.  Even I get teassed by 100.  I'm moving.  Maybe to the Yukon.  Either that or I'll move to another school.

One day 101 came to school.  100 then realized that he was way bigger.  Then he realized that having a bigger number doesn't really matter that much.

THE END

Storytime with Isaac #4

Isaac's writing sample this week was 5 pages long, and it chronicled the apparently epic bowling night we had a few weeks ago.  My favorite sentence: "'Giggle, giggle,' I whisper to myself."  How creepy is that?

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A Trip to Cal Bowl

One lovely, beautiful evening I was ready to go to a bowling stadium called Cal Bowl!  I felt as if I was an angel in heaven.  It was about 5:46 p.m. when we left home and 5:56 p.m. when we got there.  They're was at least sixty-seven bowling alleys in the bowling stadium.  Inside my cranium I thought that either I'm just imagining things or I'm seeing things again.  I went with my lovable, lovely Mom and my noisy, whiny, and snory sister named Emily which is a scaredy-cat!  "Giggle, giggle," I whisper to myself.

The bowling stadium looked shiny, neat, unbreakable, and fashonable.  I started to look around.  I'm starting to like it here!  Then Mom said that friends were coming to bowl with us!  I was almost going to faint!  I was obviously jumping up and down with exitment right that second Mom told me that piece of "information."  

It was almost 6:15 p.m. which is about dinner-time for us.  I was almost famished.  There were about 4 restaurants.  I picked the first one of all 4 restaurants.  They didn't have names on them.  Inside, there was a TV, 24 chairs, 12 tables, and the manager.  I ordered shrimp and mac-n-cheese, Mom ordered fish and a salad with ranch dressing, and Emily ordered...Well, I forgot.

We waited otuside the restaurant for food in the bowling alley.  We waited for about 10 mins.  It felt like it was an immence amount of time!  "Yawwwn," I yawn to myself.  Now I'm famished for sure!  I was also thirsty.  I felt as if I was in a drowt.  Finally, we got our dinner.  We all ate on a bench next to the loud, noisy bowling alleys.  

After we're done, all our friends arrived.  First was the dad, then the child and Mom.  I was a little shy and nervous, but I got used to it.  "Blah blah blah," they say to each other.  We were going to get our bowling shoes.  We had to take off one of our own shoes.  Then we got to our bowling lane.  Our lane number was 65.   We all typed in our names.  I thought the pins would be battered.

Anyways, Moms friends dad bowled first.  He was an excellent, fantastic, unbievable pro at bowling.  He got a stupendous strike!  We were amazingly still for a minute.  Then an aplause broke the silence.  So it went on.  Mommy bought us chips with melted, creamy, delicious cheese.  

My score at the end was 124, Moms was 65, moms friend was 221, and Emi's score was 42.  Finally, we said goodbye to our friends and went home.  It was a stupendous outting.

Storytime with Isaac #3

"Emily, My Sister" by Isaac, 10/25/2011

My funny, noisy, whiny sister is named Emily.  You can call her Emi for short.  She goes to a Jewish school called the JCC.  She likes to play there.  Around 2:35, she does Spanish class.  She mostly gets to learn easy word.  For example...they practice doing her numbers, you know, uno, doss, quadro.  Then after school, she plays pretend.  When it's reading time, she always wants to read the tale Peter Pan.  She snores at night and I hardly get my sleep.  So I push her off the bed, and under the bed with an animal with her.  She's four years old and her birthday's in January.  I wish I had some earmuffs.  END

Storytime with Isaac #2

Isaac just brought home another stack of Writers' Workshop papers, so I think this can be a regular column for the rest of the school year.

"If I Had Three Wishes," by Isaac (9/14/2011)

Boy, it's a beutiful Wedneday at school.  But sometimes I get bored I want three wishes.  I wish that I was president.  This way I can't get bored as much becuase it's very, very busy.  I also wish I was in the USA navy so I could fly a F-14!!  I wonder if I could also ride a submarine!  Or maybe a helicopter!  Third wishes can be a little hard to grant.  You can wish chocolate, toys, candy, etc.  I would wish 1,000,000,000,000 toys.  The End

"When I Grow Up," by Isaac (9/22/2011)

When I grow up I want to be president of the United States because I like making new laws and having spies.  I think being president is exiting.  Besides, if you were president of the United States, you'd get to go into the splendid, enchanted, one-hundred roomed, warm hearting White House.  I often think about president Obama most of the time!  I think Obama's family is beutiful!  I wonder how many people could fit in the humongous White House.  End