Geisha School Dropout

Lord, Have Mercy

It's a familiar trope that kids grow up to rebel against what their parents held dear: pastor's kids turn into wild heathens, Alex Keaton was the president of the Young Republicans to the dismay of his liberal parents (if you need to Wikipedia that shit, you are way too young to be reading this blog, baby).  

Well, Isaac is no different.  Case in point, this is what he yelled at us today because we made him go to bed:

Well ,when I grow up, I'm going to be a LAWYER and make you pay all your TAXES and you will DIE in poverty and the rest of the citizens will congratulate me!

I consider myself a pretty chill parent, to a fault sometimes, but I'd just like to see.  Him.  Try.

In other news, guess who has joined the bespectacled masses:

My Brain is Missing Pieces Too

Tim and Emi were spending some quality father-daughter time before he left for work this morning.  They were putting together a Disney princess puzzle, and discovered that we were missing two pieces.  Later in the day, I was clearing the kitchen table when I noticed something: Emi had taken a piece of paper, traced the shape of the missing pieces, then colored them in so she could complete the puzzle.

What the hell.  It has never occurred to me to do that before.  I'm outsmarted by a 5-year-old.  

GIVEAWAY SUNDAY: Happy National Strawberry Month!

May is National Strawberry Month, so YoKids is teaming up with Tom's of Maine on Strawberry flavored goodies!  Starting May 21st, each tube of children's toothpaste purchased on the Tom's of Maine site will come with a coupon for $1 off YoKids Greek organic yogurt. You can also save 20% on your entire order with the coupon code:  YOKIDS20.

Just to be clear, I'm not getting paid for saying this.  I sincerely appreciate that both companies provide high quality, all-natural and/or organic options, and we seriously use their products multiple times a day.  Isaac and Emi grew up on YoBaby yogurt, and now I pack a Yogurt Squeezer in their lunches every day.  We all use Tom's of Maine toothpastes, which have no artificial sweeteners or dyes, are cruelty-free, and come in environmentally responsible packaging.

To promote this special deal, Stonyfield Farm sent me a strawberry-themed goody bag to give away to one of my readers.  It is packed with the following goodies:  Reusable cotton YoKids lunch sack filled with several Tom's of Maine products including a full 4.2oz tube of Silly Strawberry children's toothpaste, as well as samples of their Naturally Dry deodorant and Daily Moisture soap.  The bag also includes FREE YoKids and YoKids Greek coupons (both available in strawberry!), YoKids Greek temporary tattoos (in strawberry AND raspberry!), and YoKids Strawberry-flavored Eco Lips chapstick! 

 

To enter for a chance to win this goody bag, just comment below with your favorite way to eat strawberries!  Mine is chocolate-covered, mmmm....

It's Good to be the Emi (and Giveaway Winner)

This week's random number out of 4 was 1, so congratulations to Erin for winning the Tarte True Blood Book of Shadows palette.  Her sexual fantasies, like mine, lean Sapphic, so I definitely approve. 

Okay, remember about two years ago when I thought Emi was growing up to be a sassafras?  Well, I spoke too damn soon.  3-year-old Emi has got nothing on 5-year-old Emi right when she wakes up.  She definitely isn't a morning person.  

Two recent examples:

Mommy and Daddy were having a boring grown-up conversation in the living room.  Meanwhile Emi wanted to do yet another puppet show.

Emi: “Guys! Enough consequence already, let’s play!”

Dad: Emi! Wake up. What do you want for breakfast?
Emi: Nothing. I’m so sleepy.
Dad: Come on! How about some toast? “Toast is the Most”!!!
Emi: No. “Toast is the Least”. Go away.

And look at the expression on her face.  Tell me that's not the look of total dismissal.  I thought we wouldn't get this from her until she was a teenager!

I swear, she's lucky she's as cute as she is, because heaven knows I would not have been able to get away with that kind of backtalk when I was her age, or any age really.

Also, those of you in Trader Joe's areas, have you guys tried the Fruity-Os?  They are a Fruit Loops knock-off, but they are sooooo delicious, it's not even funny.  Their colors are Pinterest-approved pretty (I assume because they used natural dyes),  they taste like lemon bars, and they stay crunchy in milk.  Our whole family is addicted.

Storytime with Isaac #6: Poetry Edition

Isaac learned about writing poetry in class.  Here are a couple of my favorites; they just scream "SECOND GRADE BOY!":

The Eyeball Toast

Eww
Gross! 
Who put eyeballs
in my toast?
Maybe the jelly
slid under the bed
and in his place
are eyeballs instead.
HMMM...
Strange.
But it's ok
that some things change.

Weapons

Swords, guns
daggers, too.
They are here
for me and you.
Cannons, tanks,
they're so loud.
When they hit,
they make a cloud.
They could just
blow up a tree,
and now they are
after me! 

Working Mom Saves "Toy Story 2" From Extinction

Every programmer has a story about how someone on their team (it's never them, of course) typed in "rm *" and deleted the entire code base.  Usually, you strap that person to a post, and everyone takes terms kicking that person in the balls while IT restores the system with back-ups.  You might lose the day's work, but you still can recover fairly quickly.

But what if the back-ups were corrupted?  Then you have a fucking situation.

"Toy Story 2" almost disappeared from existence due to this worst-case scenario.  Check out this story and french-kiss the next work-from-home mom you meet while I try to stop my heart from palpitating.

Working moms unite!!!

Mother's Day

I don't say it enough, but I really do love hanging out with my kids.  They make me laugh, and their personalities are so vibrant, I can't help but admire them.  But it is getting to be increasingly more difficult to just unplug from all the other responsibilities I have and just enjoy them, undistracted.  On Sunday, I made a conscious effort to "be here now," and hopefully I did right by them.  You never know with kids; their hearts are so big, you can act like any old asshole and they'll love you and make handprint crafts for you anyway.

We had Mother's Day brunch at an adorable boutique hotel near the Queen Mary, and the weather was perfect.  We dined al fresco on all-you-can-eat ceviche, oysters, omelettes, coffee-rubbed beef tenderloin, paella, and of course, mimosas.  It was awesome, and hopefully my mom approved.  Although you never really know with Korean moms either.  

Come to think of it, I spend a lot of my spare brain cycles wondering if I'm a total fuck-up or doing fine in a variety of arenas.   I am good at a few things.  I have impeccable taste in music, I can turn anything into a raunchy joke, I rock at standardized exams, I can bridge the gap between nerds and "normal" people, and I have a good appetite, both literally and figuratively.  None of these things really come in handy when raising small children.  But hopefully one day, there will be an intersection between the curves of Isaac's and Emi's development and my personal skill set, where I can show them that their mom is actually good for something.

I guess what I'm trying to say is this: I've been a late bloomer all my life, and parenting is proving to be no different.   So, I'm a pretty mediocre mom for now, but wait until they need to take the SAT man, I'm all over that shit.  

My Week in Review and GIVEAWAY WINNER

Congratulations to commenter #4, Dan, who won the polka dot knife set!  His guess was: 

You the camel 
Tim the penguin
Isaac the snake
Emma the mouse

I actually know Dan "in meatspace" (actually, I knew the large majority of entrants, which made me very happy), so I feel no qualms with ribbing him for getting Emi's name wrong (thanks, Uncle Dan!).  But otherwise, he nailed it, like most of you did.

The story behind the animals was: Emi and her bossy nature.  She commissioned, rather demanded, that her daddy draw us this way one day at a Chinese restaurant.  Her inner world is interesting, no?  I knew I shouldn't have smoked that peyote while I was pregnant with her...

Anyway, I won't be able to really post until later today because all day I'll be chaperoning Isaac's class on a field trip to a science museum!  Zoiks!  So here are some pictures of what happened this week in our little world:

Isaac started to have trouble reading sports scores on the TV, so we took him to the optometrist who confirmed he needs to start wearing glasses.

Tuesday was "Korea Day" at Emi's school, so she went to school dressed in her hanbok!

I made kimbap (basically Korean sushi) with just galbi (BBQ short rib) inside for the kids' snack. They devoured it like locusts. I was impressed.

Yesterday, we went to Little Prince to meet a friend. Isaac spent a lot of the time in their library, which garnered him the adoration of many a Korean Tiger Mom, who then promptly rapped their knuckles on their own kids' heads and said, "Yah! Why can't you be more like this boy!"

 

Animal House

Sorry, I am running out of time for a real post today.  So, here are some recent pictures of the Mang Farm.  Enjoy!

PS: LEAVE A COMMENT ON YESTERDAY'S BLOG FOR A CHANCE TO WIN SOME AWESOME KNIVES!  I WILL DRAW THE WINNER ON FRIDAY!

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Maggie being a charming hostess at our Cinco de Mayo party

 

Oscar being a snuggle bun (little twerp still wakes me up at 5:00 every morning)

 

Rosie and Cheep Cheep roosting on our office equipment (no, this is not typical)

 

Isaac Reacts to the News

I recently came across this Forbes article by Jessica Hagy, the genius behind one of my favorite webcomics, Indexed.  It's called "Nine Dangerous Things You Were Taught in School," and it made a variety of fine points about how success later in life isn't necessarily attained by the behaviors most rewarded in a school setting: compliance, performance on standardized tests, and adherence to majority rule.

I decided to present the nine points to Isaac, our resident 2nd grader and Quintessential Good Student, as true/false questions, and this is what he had to say about them:

1. The people in charge have all the answers.

False: Because sometimes the teacher doesn't check your work and somebody else does.  That means someone else has the answer sheet.

2. Learning ends when you leave the classroom.

False: Because sometimes you have recess, then you come back to class.  Then you have to learn more.

3. The best and brightest follow the rules.

False: Because sometimes they don't follow the rules.  Then they get in trouble.

4. What the books say is always true.

False: Because most books are fiction, and fiction means that it's not true.

5. There is a very clear, single path to success.

False: Because there's more than one path.  Sometimes you learn different ways.  Sometimes you learn by reading, sometimes you learn by listening and watching, other times you just learn by following the instructions!

6. Behaving yourself is as important as getting good marks.

True: Because if you get good grades, then that means you're really working hard, and if you have good behavior, that also means you're trying to work hard and never give up.  No one wants to be the smart person who's really mean.

7. Standardized tests measure your value.

False: Because you can show your value without doing the STAR testing.  [Editor's Note: They are in the middle of STAR testing right now.]  For example, you can show it by your facial expression.  *smirk*

8. Days off are always more fun than sitting in the classroom.

False: Because you could have camps, and camps are boring sometimes!  Staying at home could be fun, but usually your parents have to work and you have to keep finding fun things to do by yourself, and that's boring.

9. The purpose of your education is your future career.

False: Because you can do dirty jobs but still get good grades.  For example, you can be really smart, but you can go be a plumber, which is kinda boring.  You can also help with sewer problems.