Geisha School Dropout

Emi, You are Three

 
And what a three-year-old you will be!

Dear Emi,

This year has been a big one for you.  If we were a corporation, I would describe 2009 as a year of tremendous growth where we took on a lot of challenges but reaped many rewards.  We declared success in a variety of sectors, including:

• Travel
• You have visited the Bay Area multiple times, traveled to both your Asian ancestral homelands (with a few meltdowns, but honestly, you held it together as best as you could), and then rounded out the year with a trip to the East Coast and back.  Good for you, girl!
• Growth
• You grew 3 inches by subsisting on mostly Cheerios and grilled cheese sandwiches.  How does the girl do it?  If I had that diet, I would shrink 3 inches from the scurvy and bone loss.
• Pacifier
• This one was HUGE!  You loved your paci so much, it was warping your jawline and preventing you from speaking.  So I'm sorry, but it had to go.  And it was HARD for everyone, especially you.  Five months later, your personality really has had a chance to blossom because of it.  I don't regret the decision one bit.
• Getting kicked out of school
• Um, yeah.  Okay, not so much a success, but if it didn't happen, we wouldn't have found such a great school for you.  However, Nursery School Dropout, please don't do that again.
• Vocabulary
• You can TALK now!  And I never get sick of the strange worlds you have in your head.  And just a few days ago, as you sat on my lap and collapsed into my bosom, sighing, "I love you, I love you, I love you," my heart soared like Johnathon Livingstone fucking Seagull.

And in this upcoming year, I look forward to hearing more of your opinions on everything, building more and more complex imaginary worlds around ourselves, and hopefully indulging your newly-found princess fetish without completely selling out to the Disney Princess Empire.

Although I complain about you all the goddamn time, it's only because I think you are so unique in your difficulties.  I am secretly tickled pink (well, more of a punk rock magenta) that you are as feisty as you are, because baby, it's a tough world out there for us girls - you will need all the emotional artillery you can muster.  And when things get hard, I'll still be here, hanging on your every word.  Every smile you flash my way powers up my heart to continue beating for another 50 years, mostly out of curiosity to see what you will do with that time.  No matter what it is, it will be interesting and on fire (hopefully only figuratively). 

I am absolutely smitten.  Thank you for forcing your way into this world and for making it your playground.

Forever your servant and the doctor to your princess***,
Mommy

*** Refers to a time when Emi was flitting about, declaring "I'm a pwincess!" to the living room.  I asked her if I was a princess as well, and she looked at me really sympathetically and with such pity and said, "Mommy, you a DOCTOR."

Resolutions 2009, How Did I Do?

When I look back 50 years from now on 2009, I think I will see it as a year of personal growth and maturation.  I finally got to work on some things about myself that have bothered me for years, even decades.  I finally proved to myself that I wouldn't keel over and die if I went to the gym once in a while, that sometimes the best way to get the kids to do what you say is to ask them nicely instead of demanding their obedience, that some personal satisfaction does come when cleaning off a cluttered surface.  That is definitely not to say that my house is ever clean, mind you, but at least some stuff gets done without Tim threatening to leave me to one day get crushed under my own junk.

Let's see how I did on my resolutions:

1. Make sure my family has a nice home-cooked meal at least 5 nights out of the week.  Take-out doesn't count.  However, any meal cooked by my mom (or any other kind soul) definitely counts.  Concentrate on eating seasonally, locally, and start enforcing a more vegetable-rich diet.

I had high hopes for this resolution and started off strong; I had this great rhythm and I was chug-chug-chugging along, forcing Tim and the kids to swallow down any half-cocked (or sometimes half-cooked) swill I dared to set down upon the dinner table.  But when kindergarten started, the train started derailing, then the holidays came and everything went to shit, and now we're back to eating out more than we eat in again.  I shall re-resolve to do this again in 2010.

2. Enjoy the outdoors more.  Get out and walk.  Take the kids with me.  Invite a friend.  Each time, bring a small bag and pick up some trash.

Insert losing buzzer sound here.  I found that hikes just take too much time and don't give much of a workout when going at a kids' pace.  I instead started practicing yoga and going to the gym.

3. Once Isaac starts kindergarten, become active in his education and volunteer at his school.  Make sure minorities are represented adequately, because I have a nagging feeling that they currently aren't.

I've been volunteering once a week in the classroom, which I hear means the most for kids Isaac's age.  I also volunteered to help put on a Red Cross blood drive which will take place in February as well as helped with a last-minute coat and toy drive for a LBUSD school for homeless children.  I give myself a solid A here.

4. Make a monthly donation of extra clothes/food/furniture somewhere local.  If there's nothing to give, give money.

Success here as well.  Here is a list of the organizations I donated to each month, although most of it wasn't local.

January: 1 unit blood, Emily clothes to Salvation Army
February: Julie clothes (inc. maternity) to Goodwill
March: $$$ to spcaLA
April: 1 unit blood, $$$ to Kiva
May: $$$ to Best Friends in memory of Riley
June: $$$ to USO
July: 1 unit blood, $$$ to Breast Cancer 3-Day on behalf of Nanea
August: $$$ to Oceanic Preservation Society
September: $$$ to Kiva
October: 1 unit blood, $$$ to AIDS Walk on behalf of Matthew, Emi/Tim clothes to Goodwill
November: $$$ to Courage to Resist on behalf of Alexis Hutchinson
December: Aforementioned school for homeless children, $$$ to Silicon Valley Community Foundation, $$$ to Food Bank of So Cal, $$$ to Meals on Wheels

Hey!  You know what I just discovered?  That resolutions done successfully create life-long habits.  Which I guess is the whole point of resolutions.  Seems painfully obvious, right?  But it just occurred to me.  Duh!

Year in Review

2009 was an amazing, seminal year of blogging for me.  I moved from a protected MySpace account to the scary, exposed world of TypePad, joined the Kimchi Mamas, and met many new people online.  It was also a banner parenting year, as we ushered in the beginning of Isaac's school years and successfully managed to drag Emi from 2 into 3 without too much damage, except for perhaps to our eardrums.  And personally, 2009 was simultaneously joyful, grueling, and tragic, which makes for a very memorable, ultimately life-affirming time.  Overall, though, part of me is a bit relieved that it's over and a new year full of new adventures awaits.

I culled through my writing and selected one post from each month that really summed up what I am about, and especially what this blog is about.  If you are new to the ways of the Geisha School Dropout, a virgin if you will, this is an effective way to pop your cherry.

January
I gave away ancient Chinese secrets on how my brain works in my version of 25 Things.

February
I struggled to reconcile my status as an adult with my penchant to speak and act like an adolescent in Joining the Club.

March
Mama went a little overboard with the health food kick and lived to tell the tale.

April
Closet racists at the Red Cross, aka these are the people in my neighborhood.

May
I lost my doggy to diabetes and tried to drag you all down with me.

June
My Halmuni kicked ass, took names.

July
I tried to make friends with The Land of the Rising Sun, I really did.

August
The title pretty much said it all: Big Girl, Hot Pants.  According to my blog stats, this post is huge (heh heh) in Saudi Arabia for some reason.

September
We initiated code freeze, last minute QA, and shipped out our Progeny 1.0 into the unknown void known as kindergarten.

October
Isaac came pretty close to being on 24-hour suicide watch.

November
I thought I knew a few things about love, but Rihanna and Sesame Street showed me otherwise.

December
Yes Isaac, there is a Santa Claus.

Thank you all for your friendship, and let's hope 2010 kicks 2009's ass.  See y'all on the other side!

 

An Open Letter to My Home State

Dear Southern California,

I've been seeing some smug-ass tweets about how warm it is over there.  You can take your 79-degree pieces of global warming and shove it up your tanorexic bums.

Sincerely,
The Mangs

 

 

 

Halp, I Has a Scared

I am totally freaked out, guys!  Now I KNOW Emi is fucking with us! Look at what I caught her doing last night!!!

I have the total heebie jeebies. Hold me.

Give Him Something to Believe In

(You're welcome for the Poison reference.  You can watch the music video here.)

Isaac has been convinced lately that he is a bad kid.  He does have a mountain of evidence, since everyday we get on his case about something: for forgetting his jacket at school, for splashing in the puddles after we told him 5 times not to, for interrupting us when we're talking, etc.  It's not like we are totally hard on him, but he's taking the reprimands more to heart now, and even more disturbingly, he rejects positive feedback.

Anyway, with the holidays quickly approaching, Isaac asked me one day if he was on Santa's nice list or naughty list this year.  I asked him what he thought and he said without any doubt that he was naughty.  "Oh I dunno, Isaac, Santa doesn't care if you do naughty things from time to time, he just looks for whether you WANT to be good or not."  But no, Isaac said he doesn't even want to be good.  So all I could promise him was that I'd email Santa and maybe if he had time, Santa would write me back and let me know.

Coincidentally, my blog friend Renee alerted me to these free videos from Santa. She lives in Canada, so the URL for us Amurcans is http://portablenorthpole.tv/home. The video is very well-done, and you can customize it with your child's name, your hometown, and you can upload a picture and tell Santa what your kid wants for Christmas, among other things.  Even cooler, if your kid's name is common enough, Santa will even SAY his/her name, which is ultra-magical.  There are even separate versions for younger and older kids, as well as teens and adults who could handle actually being on the Naughty List.

So Saturday morning, I excitedly woke Isaac up and told him Santa had something to say to him!  He looked so nervous, bless his heart!  And the video started, and when Santa said, "Can you hear me, Isaac?" he stammered, "Y-y-yes, Santa!"  There was no room for skepticism when Santa showed him on a map that he knew where we lived; Isaac was thoroughly convinced. 

Then, when he saw his picture and his name in Santa's book, he started to cry.  And when Santa confirmed that Isaac was indeed a good boy because he tried extra-hard this year to be nice to his sister, Isaac started bawling with shock and relief.  When it was done, I asked him if he wanted to hear Santa's message again, but he said no, he didn't want to bother Santa during the busiest time of the year.  And we hugged and kissed and snuggled and laughed.  He was absolutely transformed.

I was deeply moved as well!  I guess we've gotten to a point where Mom and Dad's approval doesn't appear to be completely unconditional anymore, and since we don't worship a God or any other impartial judge of character, Santa just rose to the occasion and did so beautifully.  I learned that Isaac needs a "From a Distance, the World Looks Blue and Green" type of all-seeing, all-loving, all-forgiving eagle eye in his life in order to have a sense of self separate from us.  That is some major food for thought right there.

You can watch Isaac's video here!

Happy Thanksgiving!

I was knocked out yesterday with food poisoning, so I apologize for not getting back to any of yesterday's comments!  Dialogue shall commence this weekend, hopefully.  I'm may be up, but my brain, not so much.

Happy Thanksgiving!  Here are our token pilgrim and indian, courtesy of our local American public school:

FMP

 
FMP = Fuck My Pancreas

I've been feeling down lately.  It is very likely now that I have diabetes.  There are a couple more tests to go, but I can market my piss as the latest natural soda, there's so much sugar in it.

Now I know how I'll most likely die.  That is a strange feeling, let me tell you!  And although chances are I'll be fine for many years to come (especially if I lose some fucking weight, which up to this point is the one thing on earth I can't seem to do), it makes me choke when I utter sentences in the future tense and makes tears well up when I talk to my kids.

FMP.  Seriously.  Just goatse the useless motherfucker and call its mom to drive it home.

But!  When life hands me lemons, the Geisha School Dropout makes sugar-free lemon cream pie (can you eat cream as a diabetic?).  I will now bestow upon you a gift my friend gives to me quite regularly: the Joyful Meditation.

5 things that were good:

1. Emily has just amazed me with her vocabulary growth.  Just yesterday she was bossing me around a coloring book, "Color the monkey, mommy!  No!  Color him RED!  I don't want a blue monkey.  NO DADDY, MOMMY DO IT!"  She Tarzan, me Smitten.

2. Tim and I had our first parent-teacher conference and Mrs. K proclaimed Isaac to be quite the star pupil!  He is strongest at math, but his reading is coming along nicely, and he is making friends and having fun.  Whew!  One really cute way she tracks student progress is this monthly story they have to write with an accompanying picture.  For September, Isaac drew Mrs. K and wrote "I like Mrs. K."  For October, he drew a beautiful black cat and wrote, "I like cats.  I like Halloween bcs I cn se th mun is shin."  (because I can see the moon is shining)  Isn't that cute?  The kid is trying!

3. In the same vein, Isaac recently wrote me a card that says "I hop u gt wel swn" and a picture of my head sticking out a little cocoon of blankets.

4.The kids have been introduced to "Pee Wee's Playhouse" and they LOOOOOOVE IT.  And to be perfectly honest, I've been enjoying the DVDs as well.  The man is a genius, and I will actually see him live in January, hooray!

5. Wow, 4 good things about my kids!  :)  Seriously, things at home are smooth sailing compared to previous quarters.  I declare the familial recession to be over; good times, here we come.

3 things I did well:

1. I am continuing to work out, albeit a bit irregularly because of my bronchitis thing.  Some days I feel like I can breathe and some days I can't, but I've been going to the gym 2-3 times a week for a few weeks now.  W00t.

2. I am religiously volunteering every Thursday in Isaac's classroom!  It is so much fun.  Today I taught the kindergartners the valuable game of "Jump Over the Wriggling Snake" using a jump rope.  I actually got admonished for riling the kids up when recess was about to end, but fight the power!!!!!

3. Ever since I got The News that I may be one step closer to Wilford Brimley (for reference, see below), I've been really good about observing what I eat.  I generally eat well and will be even better now; I think I'll be okay.

 

2 things I am looking forward to:

1.This Saturday I am going to be representing the Kimchi Mamas at BANANA, an APA blogger symposium at USC.  Apparently it will be filmed, so future generations will get to witness the ever-elusive Outspoken Overweight Korean Female in her natural habitat.  Please come!  Lots of famous online personalities will be there, including Angry Asian Man and Hyphen Magazine.

2. I love the conversations we have in the comments section.  It's like our very own symposium!  Now that explains why I'm drunk on Ouzo and wearing a bedsheet pinned at my shoulder.

Sigh, I feel a bit better now.  Do you?

More on Spc. Alexis Hutchinson

Public outcry pressured the Army not to ship Spc. Hutchinson out on the 15th, hooray! 

Courage to Resist posted a longer article on the situation along with quotes from Spc. Hutchinson and her mother.  They also mentioned that conservative talk show hosts have already picked up her story and are knocking on her status as a single mother of color!!!  They "boldly" question whether people would care of Spc. Hutchinson was a man, and hello!  I think there would be an even BIGGER furor if a single dad (and for the sake of argument, make him a single white dad) had his child taken away, not because he was defecting, but because he needed more time to find another caregiver during his deployment.  Everyone, including aforementioned conservative talk show hosts, would be clamoring to care for that baby.

It seems like now the battle will be a legal one, and they are asking for donations to build up the case and to support the family during this crisis time.

Man, my blood is a-boilin'!

Please Help Alexis Hutchinson

I just got this email from Courage to Resist that has me in a mommy tizzy. 

When notified that she will be deployed to Afghanistan, Army Specialist Alexis Hutchinson, single mother to 11-month-old Kamani, did what all responsible servicewomen do: set up a childcare plan.  Namely, Kamani was to stay with her mother during her deployment.  However, after one week, her mom realized taking care of an infant was too much to bear when she also had to take care of 3 other dependents (a special-needs daughter as well as an ailing mother and sister).  So, Alexis again did what any mother would do under these circumstances: she asked for more time to find another caregiver.  At first the Army granted her the extra time, but later reversed their decision and threw Alexis in jail and Kamani into the foster care system when she didn't show up for her flight. 

Never mind the fact that single parents are being asked to leave their infants behind, but this is just too much!  I know the Courage to Resist folks help out war resistors and that might not be your cup of tea, but Alexis' situation is totally different: she just needs more time to find the right childcare for her baby.  All parents know how that feels, and because of this she is in military jail???  It's not right, not even close to right.

More information on what you can do to help can be found on the Courage to Resist website.