Geisha School Dropout

Storytime with Emi #3

Emi has been writing little stories for her kindergarten teacher every week, and last week's was hilarious:

Did you know my dad has a musl (muscle)? I love my dad. He is kind.

Sometimes he sings too loud.

Storytime with Emi #2

A couple months shy of finishing kindergarten, Emi is almost fully literate, and writes storybooks for fun.  Today, she was struck with inspiration to dictate a poem with the refrain "If the flowers blow in the wind".  I have no idea where she comes up with this stuff, this girl is just a hoot.

The cover: my favorite detail is the wind spelling "I love you"!

"If the Flowers Blow in the Wind" by Emi, age 6

If the flowers blow in the wind
I will mend them all 
If the flowers blow in the wind
I would catch them in my arms of the tree branch
If the flowers blow in the wind
I would make the wind and catch them on my own
If the flowers blow in the wind
I would sleep on them as my pillow
If the flowers blow in the wind
I would catch them and live on them all
If the flowers blow in the wind
And someone camouflaged in the tree, I would climb up the tree and catch them in my hands
If the flowers blow in the wind
I would always see them go.

If the flowers blow in the wind
I would ride them to my home
If the flowers blow in the wind
I would ride them to school and play with them
If the flowers blow in the wind
I would tape them to my dinner plate
If the flowers blow in the wind
I would nab them and take them to a special place
If the flowers blow in the wind
I would take them to my room and sleep with them through the night
If the flowers blow in the wind
I would touch them and put them in my crown
If the flowers blow in the wind
I would race them to my building where we would work together.

If the flowers blow in the wind
I would love them and take care of them like little tiny babies who were just born
If the flowers blow in the wind
I would catch them and give them to my brother
If the flowers blow in the wind
I would catch them and paint them purple as my name
If the flowers blow in the wind
I would catch them in my arms and sit down in my rocking chair. 

"Christmas Wish List," by Isaac

Isaac wrote a startlingly accurate portrayal of our family's current mental state for school:

Here is what my family would want if I could give them anything. This is what *I* would get them, at least.

First of all, my mom would want a trip to Hawaii, alone. In Hawaii, it’s peaceful, so she could take a trek from all the chaos in my house. Mom would also want a heated toilet because she adores the one in my grandparents’ house. Also, she’d want a piece of paper of all the Clippers autographs because she goes crazy for them!

My dad would want a new car because his aged, blue car is worn down. Another would be a whole collection of the world’s greatest books because he loves to read. Last, he’d love a king-sized bed because the one he’s using is getting cracks.

My sister, Emily, would want a Barbie because she’s always aching to get one. She’d also want an unlimited supply of donuts because she loves to eat them.

I love my family very much.

Isaac, You are Nine

Dear Isaac,

On the day before you turned 9, we were running behind schedule.  We went out to eat at seven, a full hour later than normal, and still had to go find a book to donate to your class for your birthday.  After dinner, we headed to the nearest possible store that may sell books, which was Marshall's.  Their selection was extremely limited, but we dug through the shelves trying to find treasure.  And there it was: a clean copy of Where the Sidewalk Ends by Shel Silverstein.

We left the store around 8:30, way past your bedtime and quite cold and dark outside.  The three of us were in good spirits, not cranky at all, totally stoked that we found what we needed and excited to read some new poems.  I was also excited to realize that now that you are getting older, our days together might get longer as your bedtime shifts later.  Hopefully that means more opportunities for treasure hunts and funny poems and more time to enjoy your company.

You are an extremely good-natured kid.  You are goofy and patient and possess such a pure, forgiving heart.  And since you are halfway through Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix, you'll know it when I say you are a true Gryffindor through and through.  You came into this world pre-programmed with a strict code of ethics and love of liberty and mischief.  You are starting to notice the hypocrisies and injustices of the real world and some of the flaws in the adults who run it, and you vow to set things right.  But most of all, you want a Marauder's Map so badly, you moan in your sleep about it.

(Your sister is still too young to tell for sure, but she may turn out to be a Slytherin.  Don't hold it against her; once you finish all the books, you will see that Slytherins are not necessarily 100% conniving and evil, and in many ways, Gryffindors and Slytherins are two sides of the same coin.)

Signs of your physical and emotional maturity have started displaying themselves.  You are remembering your manners, thinking to hold doors open for people or to offer to bring food to your halmuni.  Your voice got a little deeper, you are starting to smell "mannish" under your arms, and your socks could wilt flowers by the end of the day.  You still come into my bed for a snuggle in the morning, but once in a while, you feel embarrassed when I hug you in front of your classmates.  But you still let me do it.  Thank you for obliging me.

One day, when they want to have an epic adventure, kids will call on you because they will know you'll be down for it.  I hope that you will not allow them to talk you into doing things you will later regret; that is my biggest worry about you.  However, when shit hits the fan, when the shenanigans turn into something more serious, I hope you will trust me enough to reach out to me, not only because I'm your Mama, but also because I am quite experienced at mischief-managing and damage control.

But enough of things to come; I want to celebrate the being you are right now.  Lively but no longer maniacal, with budding genteelness and grace.  In other words, you are a ton of fun, and I can't wait to hear all the things you've got cooking in that noggin of yours.  One last year to savor my little boy before he jumps into the shower and runs out the door instead of cuddling with me, one last year before he really starts to pull away.

Love you,
Mama 

Thankful for Thanksgiving, by Isaac

Thanksgiving is a day where families visit their relatives.  It is a day where you can have time to meet and see cousins, grandparents, aunts, and uncles.  Happiness and joy fills everyone's soul.  This is what I'm thankful for.

For example, I'm thankful for civilization.  We wouldn't be alive if civilization wasn't made.  It's a weird, but important part of how we were made.

Also, I'm thankful for my family.  My mom helps me with my homework, my room, cleaning the dishes, and folding clothes.  My dad entertains me and makes funny face and voices.  Emily, my little sister, is playful with me.

Finally, I'm thankful for education.  We are lucky to have schools.  If we didn't, our brains would be useless.  Sooner or later, we'll graduate.  Knowledge is what makes us graduate.

That's what I'm thankful for.  But, what are you thankful for?

*******************************

Happy Thanksgiving from our home to yours!

Maggie would rather read the REAL Thanksgiving story because she gets off on violence.

Kiddo Korrespondence

Storytime with Emi #1

Emi's preferred writing medium is books.  She usually grabs a stack of computer paper, proceeds to write out a sentence on each page, then stacks them into order.  Sometimes she rearranges pages and inserts them to her liking, then presents them to me for stapling.  After the book is assembled, she goes back to illustrate.  Her throughput has been astounding; she can create one of these suckers a day.

It also amazes me how much process she comes up with on her own: most adult writers I know develop a similar ritual to hers over years of practice.  In the same fashion, she taught herself how to read based entirely on word shapes and context clues.  The girl frightens me.

Here is one of her earlier works.  It is titled "I Love You":

Storytime with Isaac #7: Third Grade Edition

Guess who figured out how to use the electronic thesaurus?  Enjoy!  --Julie

 Monster Party

A

flash of thunder and something pure white and transparent was carrying flagrant innards and scruffy organs. You'd probably guessed what kind of singular monster I'm thinking of. Yes, a ghost was carrying the loathsome, yet luscious (to them, yeah) appetizers for the most considerable party in 2,000 years (it takes a while to plan it).

"What's goin' on?", asked a security skull. "Paaarty", replied the anxious ghost. She wanted to party. But that extremely stubborn skull yelled, "Party's not 'til the crazily lazy work zombies build it!!"

Anyways, when the party actually happened, it was an amazing party! It was full of debris (as well as flies), it smelled completely like garbage, there was an aggregation of filth, the particularly ill-flavored organs were placed on the ground, and essentially everyone was there.

"How is the food?", a ghost asked. "It's a little moldy, and they always forget eyeballs!", she replied. They always wait to have the food extra moldy.

A shrunken, grapefruit-sized head yelled, "feast starts now!!" No one listened over the chitchatting crowd. So, everyone went to their graves hungry. But, they played Pin the Human, Smell-a-brain, and Headless Baseball. When everyone left, they all cried their goodbyes and left.

The End

Word of the Week GIVEAWAY:

This month, I will be hosting a giveaway on Mondays!  In order to enter, all you have to do is comment below using the Word of the Week in a sentence.  Conjugation is allowed.

This week's word is GORGONIZE.

Gorgonize means: to have a paralyzing or mesmerizing effect on.  Synonyms include stupefy and petrify.

Example sentence: The pool boy's 10-inch penis gorgonized the lascivious housewife.

This week's prize: A $50 gift certificate to Amazon.com.

Winner will be drawn next Monday!!!!!!!

State of the Isaac, Grade 3

Isaac has come a long way. He's definitely a big kid now, and he is starting to have big kid concerns, such as if he's looking a fool or if he's a good dancer. During recess, he plays handball. He talks to other kids about Minecraft. He plays in a basketball league and has scored 19 points in his first two games.

A program from Scholastic called "Reading Counts," where kids earn points for reading books and taking comprehension quizzes online, successfully exploited his love for point systems and competition to finally ignite his love for reading. He just discovered "Harry Potter," and had devoured the first two books. I teared up the other day when I called him to dinner and after 5 minutes of silence, I found him lying on his stomach on the bedroom carpet, a fuzzy blanket wrapped around his middle, his nose stuck in "Prisoner of Azkaban."

Through another Scholastic program, Isaac has learned about this year's election, including an astonishing number of personal facts about the two presidential candidates, like the names of all 5 Romney sons.  Although Isaac has shown hard conservative leanings his whole life, he has decided he would vote for Barack Obama this year.  Woo hoo!

Isaac has a very gentle character. He loves to please, to win acclaim, to be considered Good. He is very intellectually curious and ambitious. He tolerates, sometimes even indulges, his little sister. He has a better grasp at what makes her tick, and more importantly, he sees her as a complete being with needs and desires like him. He isn't her first love or doting boyfriend-model like how other big brothers are sometimes described, but he is her first buddy and co-conspirator.

Isaac on Theology:

"When you die, God stands before you at the gates of heaven. He knows all the good and bad things you've done, and if you're 50% or more good, you get into heaven. If not, you go to the other place with the devils and stuff. So basically he's like the Sorting Hat and Santa Claus all in one."