Geisha School Dropout

May the Fourth be With You!

Source: fbcdn-sphotos-a.akamaihd.net via Julie on Pinterest

 

Today is unofficial Star Wars Day, one of my favorite unofficial holidays.  Here is a round-up of my favorite Star Wars-themed finds:

Avatar: The Last Airbender/Star Wars Mash-up, via io9

 

Source: hottopic.com via Julie on Pinterest

 

Awesome Princess Leia Hoodie by Her Universe for Hot Topic.

 

Source: fangletronics.com via Michelle Frae on Pinterest

 

 

 Clothespin dolls made by the very crafty family at Fangletronics.

R2D2 apron by Etsy seller HauteMessThreads

 

"The Imperial March" sung by a Brazilian cockatiel

Finding my Inner Crafter

Emi's teacher asked each family to create a Snow Friend to contribute to the classroom's winter decorations.  Instructions and expectations were frighteningly open-ended for this software programmer:

You can make it with bottles, cans, paper, white trash bags filled with cut up newspaper, paper plates (remember to make a stand of some sort please, boxes, anything. (The only exception is the use of food products…….bugs, etc) You can use paper, felt, wiggle eyes, pom poms, yarn, jewelry, bows, ties, ANY accessory. Have fun, do it together, make sure your child really gets involved.

My eyes crossed at the supply list.  So, basically we need to create something out of anything and everything on the planet?  I need a real specifications document!  Who signed off on this thing?

So, panic-ridden, I actually dreamed about this Snow Friend for days before making my first foray to the craft store.  One night, I imagined a Snow Friend made not out of snow, but balls of yarn, so I googled "Yarn Ball Snowman" and found "Happy Homemaker Me," a crafty genius mama who does every domestic thing I do not.  However, I swear she has an engineer's mind, because her post detailing her yarn ball snowman project was so well-organized and intuitive, she made a crafter out of me.

Top three lessons learned from this:

1. Michael's is more effective than Target in separating me from my money.  All I wanted to do was buy some styrofoam balls and some yarn, but I came out with over $50 worth of sewing supplies, ornaments, cardmaking materials, a dark chocolate Snickers bar, and a dozen wild ideas about how I'm going to quit my job and start scrapbooking, wreath-making, and quilting.  HALP ME.

2. Apparently, if I was a smart consumer, I would have saved 50% with one of Michael's myriad of coupons.  Ugh, forgive me Father, for I hath paid retail price.

3. All hail the mighty hot glue gun!   A really good adhesive can change worlds!  Seriously, somewhere between the trigger and the nozzle lies the secret to world peace, plus the searing pain you feel when you accidentally get some on your fingers satisfies my periodic yen for S&M.  Hurts so good, baby!

And here are the results of about 4 hours of labor:

Hat sewn by yours truly; arms courtesy of our recently-pruned pomegranate tree; eyes made from fireplace remnants; embellishments, gift boxes, and buttons curated by Emi.  Just look at the smile on her face!  I'm hooked.

A Little Bit of Feel-Good Goes a Long Way

How have your last couple weeks been?  If they were anything like mine, you're probably needing some little smiles.  Let me see if I can provide some.  I will start with the frowns and try to turn them upside-down:

1. Emi has been waking up in the night wailing for me to come sleep with her.  It's been so long since I've had consecutive nights of interrupted sleep (apologies to the new parents who wish to smite me right now), and combined with Daylight Savings Time, I'm super fuzzy-brained right now.  But of course, it's not really that bad.  She is growing up to be such a caring, fun-loving, brave, and driven girl with a vivid imagination; I can hardly stand the wait to see what kind of woman she'll choose to become.  

I think she's been hearing bits and pieces of our conversations about the earthquakes, tsunami, and nuclear power plant meltdown in Japan, because today she built this Lego scene where the foreground was obviously a farmer tending to his rectangular crops, then a girl on top of a tower in the back, behind double doors.  "This girl is trapped inside the lab, and she can't come out because of the water.  The farmer might be okay."

2. Isaac has finally discovered the art of Little Kid Attitude.  My little helper man has morphed into a whirlwind of complaint, and it makes me unbelievably sad to see it!  I feel like I have to keep asking and bugging him to do things he normally would just do out of his own accord...feed Maggie, come with me on errands, get ready for school, do his homework.  And when I do ask, I get this tongue-click and groan like I am the worst mom in the world!  Annoying!  But luckily, flashes of my sweet little boy still come out.  He still kisses me good night, he is so patient with his little sister, and today I caught him on my computer; turns out he was writing a letter:

Dear Emily M-----,
I am your big brother so I have my eye on you,Emily.
Oh,and I see that you are doing something bad,I'll say,"Stop where you are"!!
My eye is watching you!!!
But....I still love you,Emily M-----.
Be good in school and at home.
And I'f you feel lonely.....come to me so you don't feel as lonely.
Love,
Isaac.
The date is 3/14/11

I hope you and your loved ones are safe, healthy, and happy, especially those of you in Japan or who have people there.  

An Open Letter to "Akihabara Majokko Princess"

Dear Japanophiles and Japanophile enablers associated with this video:

If you must exist at all, can you PLEASE find something else to latch on to?  Step.  Up.  Your.  Game.

I GET IT ALREADY, OKAY??? Japan is one big crazy clusterfuck of people who do nothing but walk hurriedly amongst neon billboards and vending machines when they're not smiling giddily behind rice paper doors. I have already given up trying to debate the fact that Japan has more to offer than that, but at least stop filming the same things over and over again, all the while pretending it's fresh and edgy.  Save your money and just borrow footage from any other movie or home video filmed in Japan.

And I also understand by now that Japanese people are hideously dull and ugly compared to a dolled-up white woman.  Look at their flat, emotionless faces and funny glasses and weird hair!  Wow, Kirsten Dunst looks like an angel in a sea of trolls.  She wouldn't look nearly as leggy, cute, and alabaster-skinned in a European country, right?  Sigh.  Props to the kids who looked bored and aware of the obvious commercial objectification, and for the partygoers near the end of the video for providing the only real humanity in the entire video.  More people like you, and maybe they'll take the hint finally and find some other people to exploit.

And the same request for you, Takashi Murakami: I know you have raked in gonzo bucks with your happy flower/bear/yadda yadda yadda characters, what with the Louis Vuitton and Kanye West partnerships, but can you please create something else?  I could have handled sitting through a mediocre video starring a stoned Kirsten Dunst if it debuted some new fresh art; instead it tried to eke out every last penny from the same tired designs.  But props to you for your little cameo inside a furry human-sized soccer ball, that was cute, although I do know at one point you actually sold $400 soccer balls, which lowers your quirk factor quite a bit.  You are probably more businessman than artist after crossing that threshold.

And Kirsten Dunst!  Were you totally blitzed out of your mind, or were you actually terrified cavorting around these natives dressed as Rainbow-Brite-fist-fucking-Sailor-Moon, which from the many shots of anime-porn posters featured in the video, you probably guess is Salary Man Ogle Bait?  You looked overtly uncomfortable during some of your mystical wand-waving.  Maybe you were just nervous that the people who invented karaoke would give you a low score on your rendition of "Turning Japanese."  Or maybe you're a little bit smarter than McG gave you credit for and a part of you felt a little, I dunno, EMBARRASSED to be singing that song in front of real Japanese people.  Anyway, your dimples have not lost their charm, so I will give you the benefit of the doubt and think of you as the biggest victim of this clownshow.

Sincerely,
Me

PS: AAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!