I told myself that if I stared at an empty "Compose New Post" screen for too long, I will force myself to cough up some embarrassing story. And now it's almost 11:00 pm, and I need to post something or else I'm disqualified from NaBloPoMo! Ack!
I've already told you all pretty much everything. My fetish for distinctive noses, my tendency to get mistaken for someone with mental handicaps, my traumatizing one-night stand that made me hate Valentine's Day forever. What else is there to confess? Oh yes, there are TONS.
I was actually reminded of this one last week on my birthday. One of my former students wished a happy birthday to a someone with the initials GBK. And again, today, my friend left me a voicemail saying that she thought at first she didn't have my phone number in her new phone because there was no entry for "Julie," but lo and behold, she found me under "GBK."
GBK is an unfortunate nickname bestowed unto me my sophomore year of college. I was hanging out with my next door neighbors, and as was typical for us, the conversation drifted towards pornography. There may have been alcohol involved. There were definitely red Dixie cups involved, and we all know those mean nothing but trouble.
Do you know the porn name convention of your first name being the name of your first pet, then your last name being the street you grew up on? We were laughing at each others', and then it was my turn to figure mine out, and it was Bunny Stonegrove, which I thought was an amazing porn name.
Then the heavens split open, and my friend Mike widened his eyes like he was touched by the wang of Ron Jeremy himself, and he said "Noooo way, Julie. Your porn name would be..." and when he uttered the words, my spirit crumbled into a million pieces because I knew this one was bad enough to stick. And it did. To this day, my best friends and closest acquaintances lovingly refer to me as Gang Bang Kang.
Hopefully now I have embarrassed myself into taking NaBloPoMo more seriously. I shudder to think of the Google search keywords that will now show up on my analytics report.