Geisha School Dropout

I've Got to Admit It's Getting Better

I was teased mercilessly as a child.  It started in first grade when some older kids at church made fun of my hair (always up in two tight braids) and my clothes (my mom was very much into the matchy-match).  The routine was this: after juice and doughnuts, the kids would gather around me and just barrage me with insults until I started crying.  And once I started crying, they high-fived each other and called me "Crybaby."  That, of course, caused me to cry even more.

Anyway, I could go on and on, but this post wasn't originally intended for me to talk about my past so much; it was meant to set the tone for talking about Isaac's school.  Everyday after school he plays kickball with a group of older boys, and I am always so surprised and impressed by the way they treat him and the other younger kids.  They make sure everyone has a turn, they cheer the little ones on, they patiently teach the rules to new players, they are conscientious with people standing nearby who don't want to get hit by balls.  They do all this while still acting like normal boys their age: their chests involuntarily puff up when girls their age walk by, they hoot and holler when they get a good shot, they can't seem to keep their paws off each other as they jockey for position, and they don't talk to each other besides what is absolutely necessary to play the game.

One time, Isaac caught the ball and an older kid walked over and took the ball from him.  The hairs on my neck stood on end: what is going to happen now?  Then the kid pointed towards the ground and said, "Hey tall first-grader, your shoelace is untied.  I'll hold the ball until you tie it."  And sure enough, he handed the ball back to Isaac after he was done.

I sometimes hear things about the girls, that there already are cliques and queen bees, but at any given time there is always a group of warm-hearted girls to hang out with who don't play that game.  I don't see absolute rejection or individuals being singled out.

From what I can tell, these kids seem on the whole well-adjusted, healthy, and happy, and it feels amazing to be a part of it, because I know that's not the case in other schools.  Something about this school is working, and it gives me hope.

My Funny Valentines

Isaac had Valentine's Day off from school, thanks to Mr. Lincoln, so I thought it would be cute to have a little lunch date.  I asked him if he wanted to have lunch and go see "Gnomeo and Juliet" with me.  This was his reply:

He perked up when I offered him his choice of lunch, AND he would be in charge of the dinner menu that night.  He chose McDonald's for lunch (to which Emi later replied, "You ate junk food?!?!" as if she doesn't primarily subsist on junk food herself), and hamburgers, hot dogs, french fries, onion rings, and chocolate-covered strawberries for dinner.  I grilled and deep-fried my heart out!  Leave it to a Korean mom to express her love through food.  We ate on our picnic table in the backyard, and it was delightful.

I got valentines from both kids this year, which was awesome!

From Emi:

From Isaac:

Isaac's card is a bit hard to read because it was written in pencil on black paper. Very goth, right?  It's also a little passive-aggressive because at that moment, both Tim and I were actually on our computers, working.  Sigh, that kid.  I think he needs some extra cuddles.

Happy Valentine's Day! You are Beautiful.

Nope, no snark here.  Just a simple message for all the ladies in the house tonight:

Every time this video is played, 4 cents will be donated to Becky's Fund, a non-profit whose slogan is "Freedom from domestic violence.  It's our right."  How gorgeous is that?  So, watch it multiple times, feel the smile grow on your face, then share the video with your friends.  They will definitely appreciate the message.

(Big props to bigWOWO for the heads-up!)

Schoolhouse Letters

Isaac's teacher is in the middle of a unit on writing letters.  In order to practice letter-writing, the kids have little mailboxes in class and they are free to "mail" notes to each other.  Isaac came home with some the other day, and they just made me grin from ear to ear.

Here are some of the best ones, typed out verbatim because first grade misspellings are too awesome to correct (names hidden to protect the adorable):

Dear Isac,
I like your hair today.
your freind
N. 

Dear Isaac,
You are a nice friend and I was going to ask you why you alawys try to kiss me?
T.

Dear Isaac
Your a cool Dood.
from
W.

Dear Issac
Would you want to come to my house and look at snake books?
From Z. 

UPDATE: Found a couple more in Isaac's backpack this morning...this one is worth asking him about when he comes home today:

Dear Isaac,
You are a good One Flag Up player.  Do you want to come to my house?  Well, you will be invited to my birthday party if you don't smack my butt.  Can we play basketball?
From,
C. 

Lessons Learned from Christina Aguilera

My blogroll and Twitter feed were abuzz with comments about Christina Aguilera's performance of the National Anthem on Sunday's Super Bowl.  I actually missed the game, deciding instead to go to Disneyland, but I had to check it out for myself:

All I could think of was, "WTF." But not "Christina Aguilera, WTF," but rather "America, WTF."

In today's nano-judged world, where you can elicit a million belly laughs by pasting the word "FAIL" in white sans serif font on any image, and where even the world's most beautiful people supposedly need the help of a Photoshop expert every time they pose for pictures, Ms. Aguilera's lyrical gaffe is more than enough to fill one's social media tittering quota for the day.

But do you want to know what I saw in this video?  I saw a consummate professional teaching us a lesson on how to handle crisis.

Po Bronson, in his book Nurture Shock, introduced me to the concept of stick-to-itiveness.  It turns out that when we praise our kids for being smart or fast or any other innate talent, we don't actually raise their self-esteem; by praising something that seems to be "either you got it or you don't," kids feel powerless when faced with challenges and actually feel less confident in their abilities to overcome the challenges.  Rather, if you praise the kids' effort and stick-to-itiveness, they feel motivated to put in further effort, i.e., something they are in control of.  A quick summary of the book can be read here.

I am always looking for ways I can teach stick-to-itiveness to my kids because I am a person constantly crippled by the spectre of perfection.  As Voltaire said, "The perfect is the enemy of the good."  And Christina Aguilera's performance was a great example of the amazing good that can come out of imperfection.

I think while she was singing that line, Ms. Aguilera knew she messed up.  Of course she did; she has sung the National Anthem countless times before.  And without pausing, starting over, apologizing, or in any way pulling the focus away from the song itself, she decided to let her mistake go and corrected the lyrics mid-sentence.  She didn't even stop the note she was on.  In front of tens of millions of live witnesses, she just. kept. singing.  That is PhD-level stick-to-itiveness, and that is what separates her from lesser entertainers and performers of every stripe, and that is what we should be focusing on if we want to show our kids how to truly succeed in life.

Dory knew it all along!