Back in November, I pledged to be a kinder, more graceful Julie, and I am trying, I really am. But today I discovered that all it takes is one abnormal day to make it all crumble back down!
This morning, I picked up a banh mi after dropping Emi off at school (still in her unicorn pajamas, but I left her real outfit with her teacher). As I nestled into bed with my laptop, relishing the first salty-crunchy bite of my sandwich, I noticed the meat tasted a little off. Somehow I convinced myself that it wasn't that bad, and I finished it all. BAD DECISION.
An hour later, I felt hot and the room spun around me, but I couldn't throw anything up. I just clung onto the bed for dear life and waited for it to stop. Another hour later, I was well enough to drag myself to the kitchen and chug some coconut water, and I actually got a lot of work done despite the lingering headache and nausea.
Soon it was time to pick Isaac up from school, and from the second I saw him, he kept asking me these insane questions about lightning and how it would strike various objects. It was hard enough driving through the after-school hysteria traffic, but this barrage of irrelevant questions really got my head spinning again. After 10 minutes of this, I asked him why he was thinking of lightning at all, and he replied, "Nothing." I asked him to tell me about his day. "Fine." Did anything interesting happen? "No."
On to the post office to mail a package to Portugal. Why? Because I found my old Massive Attack Singles Vinyl box set in the garage, and I couldn't just throw it away; I wanted to sell it to some other music fan. I listed it on Amazon, and found a buyer fairly quickly. He's some dude with 7 names who lives in Portugal. I sold the records for $48.99 and Amazon gave me $6 for international shipping. Turns out shipping actually costs $51.30. Accounting for Amazon's commission, I just lost money in the weirdest way possible.
Then on to Trader Joe's for some grub, and while I was checking things off the grocery list on my iPhone, I accidentally dropped it onto the tile floor. I didn't even notice anything was amiss until I noticed I was smearing blood all over my screen, which was CRACKED TO HIGH HEAVEN. Amazingly, it still works just fine, it's just a minor health hazard. And right when I made this realization, CRASH!!!!! I turn to see Isaac sheepishly standing next to an overturned shopping cart, all our groceries strewn on the floor. He didn't fall with the cart, so I have no idea how this happened. No less than 3 employees came to our aid, and then I got mad at Isaac for not saying sorry or thank you to the nice people who helped us. If you're gonna be a pain in the ass, at least acknowledge it, right?
After that, I had to clean out the refrigerator to accommodate the new groceries, and out came alien-like leftovers and rancid meat. My stomach churned and I was dry-heaving like crazy, but still no relief.
I spent an hour with Isaac on his homework, where we had an argument over his birth year. LIKE I DON'T KNOW HIS BIRTH YEAR.
Then it was time to drop Isaac off at Tae Kwon Do and to pick up Emi. She was still in her pajamas. Sigh.
We had dinner at Chick-Fil-A, and Isaac was still in his do bok. A girl kept kicking and flailing her arms at him, demanding Isaac to teach her karate. He replied, "I don't know karate, I know tae kwon do" and the girl looked at him like he was an idiot. I was in no mood to educate the ignorant.
Once we got home, I busted out an apple pie we got at Trader Joe's. After I opened the packaging up, Isaac said he didn't want a piece after all. I carefully put everything back together, but then Tim and Emi asked for a piece each. I opened it back up and heated their slices up. I wrapped everything up again. Now Isaac wants a slice after all. Now I'm totally annoyed at the world. To add insult to injury, no one even finished their slices. Half a pie wasted.
By now my head is pounding and I almost pass out transferring laundry from the washer to the dryer. I feel like no one cares about poor nauseous me, and so the yelling begins in earnest. Now the rest of the family is hiding from the Monster Mommy.
Image from Tehe He's Wearing a Bra
I feel like everything would be fine if I could just evacuate my GI tract. Some moms are waiting to exhale...I'm just waiting to vomit.