Geisha School Dropout

Year in Review: 2010

2010 was a helluva year, one where our family spread out roots, having lived in our neighborhood for more than two years.  Isaac and Emi were finally invited to birthday parties, we got to know all the pho restaurants within a few miles from our house, and we didn't have to change any of our basic information on our tax return!  Isaac learned how to read, Emi learned how to talk like a human being, and we added two chickens to our family.  All in all, I think we all grew stronger and more confident.  Here is a list of the most notable stories from each month:

January: To think that this recent spate of rain was bad!  Our neighborhood floods and I find solace in, of all things, palm trees.

February: A little chihuahua enters and exits our lives, and I still regret sending him home!  Emi still asks where little Bito went.  Darn doing the right thing all to heck!

March: The world loses one of its brightest spirits.  Oh Renee, it still hurts each time I see something beautiful or funny, to not have you say something clever about it.

April: Emi earns her sassiness crown, and Isaac can't stop kissing a girl from his class.  This all makes for one crazy-ass Mama.

May: Depression, aka the Black Dog, scratched at my door, wanting back in.

June: Summer in our household = veggie porn, bonfires, sports camp, and World Cup-inspired jingoism.  Bossy little girls are always in season.

July: Flipping off airplanes while smoking a 2-year-old cigarette is an awesome hobby for a little ol' rebel like me.

August: I list my morning routine, where take care of all creatures, big and small, and seeing it all laid out that way helps me to realize I'm a freak.

September: Isaac and his literacy totally throw me off my game.  Killing cones!!!

October: One family's trip to their neighborhood Target, aka raw, unadulterated crazy-making.

November: Emi's verbal antics catch the eye of one member of Tears for Fears!

December: Isaac apparently took Feminism 101 in utero and lectures me on gender stereotypes and self-identity.  

I hope you and your loved ones have an awesome New Year's Eve, and I'll see you in 2011!

 

Christmas, Served Two Ways

Isaac, in animated gif format:

 

 

Emi, in audio format (pardon the dark video):

 

 

Hope your holidays stay merry!

Man in Tights

The kiddos and I had a blast in Las Vegas, although we did miss Tim.

Why would Tim miss a pre-Xmas bash in Sin City, you ask?

The short answer: he was working for Santa!  I kid you not.

You know of the NORAD Santa Tracker?  Well, Google contributes a lot of features to the site such as integration with Google Maps, Google Earth, and of course hosting the videos of Santa flying through various scenic locales.  Tim volunteered to help with the YouTube side of things and therefore worked all Christmas Eve!  

Now, in my universe, no good deed goes unpunished.  To make him pay for ditching us for Santa, I bought him an elf costume and striped tights and demanded him to wear it while working and to allow photographic evidence.

When we came back from Vegas, we found the world's tallest, geekiest, gruffest elf testing Santa video links on YouTube.  It was AWESOME.  

The suit jingled with his every step, it was so sweet, you could just hear the baby angels getting their wings.  I couldn't keep a straight face as I watched him traipse around the house in tights with his boxer shorts smushed underneath!  When I bought the outfit online, I knew it would be comedic, but I never thought I'd also find it strangely...erotic! 

Tim's legs are quite shapely in tights!  Get me on the naughty list, stat!

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And now for a blast from HTML 1.0 Christmas past...

Merry Christmas from Geisha School Dropout!!!

 

William Carlos Williams Was Right!

so much depends
upon

a red wheel
barrow

glazed with rain
water

beside the red
chicken.*

(and kiddie detritus)**

* original stated "white chickens."

** and no detritus.

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PS: As you read this, the kids and I are heading to Las Vegas to hang out with my family, including my sister!  We will be back Christmas Eve.  Tim has to stay home because he'll actually be working for Santa on the 23rd and 24th.  It's kind of an interesting story, one I hope to tell when I get back.

A Few of My Favorite Things

It's Winter Break in the Mang household, and since it's been so rainy these past few days, I thought I should take some time to list the things I am thankful for before I blow a gasket.  I can't believe the last time I listed things that made me happy was almost two years ago!  Shameful!  

1. Not dieting

I've decided to give myself a pass this holiday season by not paying too much attention to my diet.  I obviously still have to lose more weight, but I'm fine with it not being right now.  Obsessing over calorie/carb/vitamin/protein count has made Julie a dull, crabby girl.  As Tim said to me the other day, "Can you please eat whatever you want so you can be happy, even if that means eventually needing mobility assistance?"  Consider it done!  

2. Proper rain gear

I never found a pair of boots that could accommodate my Chun Li calves.  But a couple months ago, in a fit of restlessness, I decided to order my first pair of galoshes, and I am so glad I did!  The Tretorn Skerry boots I bought stop before my legs really start to expand, so although my calves balloon out the top, I'm still protected from the kids' splashes!  Paired with my bright yellow raincoat, I am completely impenetrable during this series of storms, and I'm a happy fat camper once more.

   +    = 


3. Whatever color Cheep Cheep's eggs are

I just can't stop staring at my chicken's eggs!  Is that creepy?  Here is what they look like compared to both a white and brown egg:

And this is what they look like inside:

I love that golden color just as much as the green eggshell.  Ah, my inner Martha has reawakened.

I ate Cheep Cheep's first egg raw, mixed with some natto.  It was divine.

4. My resident first grader

Isaac has lost 3 teeth in 3 days, and he started to feel a little bad for the Tooth Fairy.  He left her a note last night:

And who looks this adorable with 4 missing front teeth?

5. Emi for just being Emi

Eggstatic!

One of the unglamorous parts of raising chickens is trudging outside at 6:30 in the morning (and on days like today, in the cold rain) in order to put food and water into their troughs and lower the drawbridge from the coop to the run.  Once they're down there noshing, every other day I raise the drawbridge back up and clean out the coop.  I perform these duties like a rusty automaton, still woozy, sometimes even without my glasses on.  But today was special!  I looked down, and I saw a light green egg laying in the bedding!

Cheep Cheep is a mommy!  Well, not really...we don't have a rooster, so these eggs are unfertilized.  But if not a mommy, Cheep Cheep is now a woman!

Since I only look up there every other day, I suspected this egg was laid yesterday, so I went back around noon and lo and behold, there was another one, still warm and even more vibrant than the first!

I dunno, you guys, I really can't do justice to the feeling that came over me then.  First it was pure shock, but then I just felt so blessed to be able to witness something like this in my little piece of Long Beach.  Cheep Cheep just created one of the most nutritionally dense foods in the world from chicken feed, water, grass, and the occasional insect.  Is that anything short of pure magic?  

 

Cheep Cheep's little green gems, and a regular large brown egg for scale.

I am so proud of my little lady!

Train Wreck

Apologies in advance; I'm just a jumble of negativity right now.

I have a few pet peeves, one of which is losing things.  It really, really bothers me when I can't find something.  Mind you, that doesn't mean things are organized in my house, no way, but I have a knack for mentally keeping track of things within the maelstrom.  Plus, our house isn't that big, and there are only a few places where any random object can be hiding out.

However, for the past two weeks or so, things have just been flat-out disappearing.  Fifty dollars' worth of ornaments I bought, still in the shopping bag.  Poof!  Gone.  Emi's snow boots went missing the one day out of the year she could actually use them.  The plastic cup I use to measure rice for the rice cooker.  The old iPod I use to entertain the kids with on plane rides.  My strapless bra.  Name any office supply that we own, all disappearing one at a time.  My boarding pass.  The flashlight.  The list goes on and on.  Sometimes I eventually find them, way after the time I needed them.  But some things, like the fucking ornaments, are still at large.

It drives me crazy, being absolutely sure of something basic like an object's location, then turning out to be completely wrong.  Objects at rest should remain at rest, so when something disappears, it makes me wonder if someone stopped time, removed shit from the universe, then restarted time just to fuck with me.  Not good, sane thoughts.  And it's not like the rest of the family is any help; they are a troupe of "Memento" guys.  Keeping track of things is my burden alone.

So today, after 10 minutes of looking for our mattress pad, I snapped.  How does one lose a king size mattress cover?  I washed it last week and hung it up to dry, and that was the last I'd seen of it.  I announced to the household that in 5-4-3-2-1 Mommy was going to go blast-off and she pity the fool who gets caught up in the explosion.

Tim was working when my freak-out started, and he actually found it quite quickly under some dirty clothes, which is total role reversal.  I didn't thank him, because by then I was thoroughly convinced it was him who moved it in the first place, so therefore he started this whole predicament.  He should be apologizing if anything, right?

Okay, I guess not.

Anyway, things ended badly and Tim eventually stormed out of the house to work in peace.  

I tucked the kids in and felt a sharp pain in my temple when I replayed the previous thirty minutes.  The tears came down then.  I apologized for yelling and the kids forgave me.  

One day I'm going to yell and they're not going to forgive me.

 

The Stick

"Hey Mom!" she said. "I got you a present. It's a stick! You can do lots of things with it. See, look. You can even be a unicorn!"

 

Emi-ism of the Day

My company's Christmas party is this Friday, and they generously offered to fly me and Tim up to attend.  That would mean we would need someone to watch the kids overnight, so I made plans with my mom.  Over dinner, I tried to pitch the whole occasion as a sleepover party.

"Hey Isaac, guess what?  This Friday, I'm going to pick you up early from school, and drop you guys off at Halmuni's house!  But wait!  That's not all!  Halmuni and Harabuji are going to take you to JAGEUN-HARABUJI'S BIRTHDAY PARTY!!!"

Cue in much excited applause and squealing.

"And there's something even!  Better!  You guys are going to SLEEP OVER AT HALMUNI'S HOUSE!!!"

Isaac got out of his chair, clutched his head in excitement, hooted and hollered, then pretended to swoon into the couch.

"Wow, Bu!  Did you just get so excited you fainted?"

Then Emi chimed in, totally deadpan, "He's dead with envy."

PS: Yesterday I wrote this on my Facebook status because I found myself worrying myself to death over nothing, yet again:

She can handle crisis, but hates uncertainty. She hopes for sun but plans for rain, snow, and hurricane. She simultaneously wonders if she's spoiling and depriving her children. She's...the most neurotic mom in the world. "Stay worried, my friends."

Tim, being the nerd sweetheart he is, made this for me:

Couch Potatoes

What do you do the day after an epic 7th birthday bash?

This.

Lazy Sunday "Dirty Jobs" marathon