My trip was fun. But now I'm back, and I have noticed a couple changes since I left: all three of them seem to have subsisted on cereal and apple juice the whole time I was gone, and Emi can really, really talk now.
Dealing with the kid maelstrom after 5 days of wine- and massage-coma has been...dizzying. Not necessarily bad, just a little overwhelming. My brain actually scurried back to Napa Valley, found the nearest silver oak barrel, popped the bung, and dove right in, hoping things will look better in 2012.
Two examples of what I'm dealing with right now:
Right when I met the kids at home, Emi squealed "I want to show you something!" She then proceeded to show me a Target toy catalog, extolling the virtues of each product contained therein. On the way to dinner, she actually begged me for a skateboard of all things. "Pwease pwease pweeeeeease, Mommy? I never had a skateboard, and I want one weally bad." When asked why she wanted a skateboard, she merely stated, "Are you kidding me, Mom? I always wanted a skateboard."
Can she really say that to me? And when did I become Mom?
Isaac tried to distract her by pointing out, "Look! That sign says 'Martial Arts,' just like my tae kwon do class!"
"Mommy, can we pwease pwease pweeeeeeeeeeease go to the martial arts? I always wanted to go to the martial arts."
"Emi, we already go to tae kwon do!"
"But Maw-awm, I really want to go to this tae kwon do!"
"Well, it's only for adults."
Then Isaac, Mr. Helper, chimes in, "No, the sign says adults and CHILDREN."
Goddammit! Literacy strikes again.
Emi immediately pounced on the opportunity. "But I'M a children!!!"
I had absolutely no further retort. If you pressed your ear against mine at that moment, you would have heard the Emergency Broadcast System.
"Do you remember when Dr. Evil died?" asked Isaac.
"Yes, of course I do, Bu."
"Well, then why didn't you cook her, Mom?"
"You really think you would have eaten Dr. Evil if I had cooked her?"
"Yes! I like chicken!"
So much for worrying about whether allowing Isaac to see Dr. Evil's body would traumatize him or not.
Then Emi chimed in, "But then she would get hot when you cook her. Then she would get burned. Then she would say, 'Ba-GAAAAAWK!'"
Heaven help me.