Geisha School Dropout

Pedicure Oddity

So here I am at some random nail salon near my house, when in walks this man. He's tall, old, has one of those booming voices that echo through sitting rooms. He's not obviously gay or otherwise appearance-conscious. Yet he greets every employee by name and knows standard pedicure protocol, so obviously he's a regular. His feet seem relatively well-taken-care-of.

At the risk of sounding sexist, why is he here? And how did he discover the joys of the SoCal twenty dollar pedicure? Inquiring minds want to know!

Happy Thanksgiving!

I was knocked out yesterday with food poisoning, so I apologize for not getting back to any of yesterday's comments!  Dialogue shall commence this weekend, hopefully.  I'm may be up, but my brain, not so much.

Happy Thanksgiving!  Here are our token pilgrim and indian, courtesy of our local American public school:

BANANA Peels

 
Lac Su

A Geisha School Dropout meets an Angry Asian Man

I had absolutely no idea what to expect when I entered USC through its only open gate (which I found so strange, are there other colleges that do that?).  I only knew one thing: the panel would be blogger-star-studded, with myself being chump change in comparison and the only mommy blogger.  Most of the other panelists wrote about racial and cultural issues, so I tried to bone up on my Asian American studies before attending.  Other than that, I was ill prepared; I even forgot to bring my MOO cards.

Every single person I met was a delight.  We mingled as the crew prepared the lecture hall for showtime, and half an hour after the official start time, we introduced ourselves to our audience.  The other panelists were obviously intelligent, well-spoken, thoughtful, and passionate, and I was excited to share the stage with them.  I sat between Byron of BigWOWO (and Rice Daddies) and Phil of Angry Asian Man, so I knew I needed to bring it in order to earn the seat.

Then the panel discussion commenced, and I dunno, call me Pollyanna, but until then I had NO IDEA that there was any animosity between several different factions of the Asian American blogging world.  Basically, the men thought Asian American women play an active role in the emasculation of the Asian American male by dating and marrying non-Asian (and let's face it, mostly white) men in increasing numbers, and the women were offended by the unrealistic, sexist, and ultimately dangerous stereotypes they are expected to play in order to be considered Asian and feminine enough.  Also, the political bloggers dismissed the pop culture blogs as fluff pieces, which was ironic because they were mostly male while the pop culture writers were mostly female, therefore kinda proving the women's point.  It struck me in the gut a bit, since I have always gotten along better with men throughout my life, and considered myself one of the guys in many contexts, but none of my guy friends ever talked to me about this issue, so I guess I was fooling myself while silently they resented me and my multi-culti bevy of bedmates.  However, in spite of my personal hang-ups, I was so proud of these Asian American men and women engaging in compelling debate.  We have indeed come a long way from the stereotype of the inscrutable Oriental.

Shortly after all that, Militantgate happened.  The Minority Militant got extremely pissed in the British sense and left the stage in the middle of a discussion.  He staggered up to the food table to drink some more, then sat in the audience for some time, yelling "West Siiiiiiide!" and throwing some signs for a few minutes before his girlfriend escorted him outside.  He then tried to sneak back in a couple times, but eventually left for good.  Having only read a few posts of his before the conference, I naturally assumed this was all a big Fuck You to the overly-intellectualized mental masturbation that is the bread and butter of the panel-based symposium.  In other people's post-mortems, the trend seemed to be the closer you sat to him (and therefore the more you were subjected to the wine breath), the more outraged you were by his behavior; I was very far from him, so I thought it was very punk rock.

When it was over, I was replenished with a sense of awe at the possibility and promise of my generation of Asian Americans that I had lost in my college years.  Maybe it was the specific people around me at the time, but I just thought my colleagues were just content to become personally successful and not really sweat it about making a bigger impact, but my fellow panelists proved me wrong.  It made me wish I knew them back then, and a bit wistful at the lost opportunity.  But hey, I ain't dead yet; if any of them need a helping hand, I'll definitely offer one, albeit one covered in baby shit.

So, to sum up, I am taking BANANA for what it is: a metaphor.  I choose to enjoy the good stuff and will discard the less palatable peel.  Concentrating on the peel denies the life-giving goodness within, and at the same time, the fruit is not complete without the peel.

Thanks so much, Lac and Steve, for inviting me to witness the start of something very, very big.

Here are links to other posts about BANANA:
Gil from Nikkei View
Nelson from AARisings
Jon Yang

PS: Photos can be seen here, and I'm sure videos will be up soon.

Exotic on the Speaker

Did I say I was down yesterday?  Well that was before I heard THIS:

That chick on the mike, Rye Rye?  Just amazing.

  

On another cool note, I have been quoted!  My opinion-spewing on Spc. Alexis Hutchinson caught the attention of BlogHer's political director, Morra Aarons Mele.  One of the tastiest morsels from Ms. Mele's piece:

The Army says it is exploring all options and will "do right by the situation." I hope so. But what Hutchinson faced is what so many women deal with daily: a boss who doesn’t get it, or just doesn’t care. A lack of options for an affordable, trustworthy place for your baby to go while you’re at work, a family far away, and zero options to work and have a baby. No mother should have to choose between providing for her family and foster care.

FMP

 
FMP = Fuck My Pancreas

I've been feeling down lately.  It is very likely now that I have diabetes.  There are a couple more tests to go, but I can market my piss as the latest natural soda, there's so much sugar in it.

Now I know how I'll most likely die.  That is a strange feeling, let me tell you!  And although chances are I'll be fine for many years to come (especially if I lose some fucking weight, which up to this point is the one thing on earth I can't seem to do), it makes me choke when I utter sentences in the future tense and makes tears well up when I talk to my kids.

FMP.  Seriously.  Just goatse the useless motherfucker and call its mom to drive it home.

But!  When life hands me lemons, the Geisha School Dropout makes sugar-free lemon cream pie (can you eat cream as a diabetic?).  I will now bestow upon you a gift my friend gives to me quite regularly: the Joyful Meditation.

5 things that were good:

1. Emily has just amazed me with her vocabulary growth.  Just yesterday she was bossing me around a coloring book, "Color the monkey, mommy!  No!  Color him RED!  I don't want a blue monkey.  NO DADDY, MOMMY DO IT!"  She Tarzan, me Smitten.

2. Tim and I had our first parent-teacher conference and Mrs. K proclaimed Isaac to be quite the star pupil!  He is strongest at math, but his reading is coming along nicely, and he is making friends and having fun.  Whew!  One really cute way she tracks student progress is this monthly story they have to write with an accompanying picture.  For September, Isaac drew Mrs. K and wrote "I like Mrs. K."  For October, he drew a beautiful black cat and wrote, "I like cats.  I like Halloween bcs I cn se th mun is shin."  (because I can see the moon is shining)  Isn't that cute?  The kid is trying!

3. In the same vein, Isaac recently wrote me a card that says "I hop u gt wel swn" and a picture of my head sticking out a little cocoon of blankets.

4.The kids have been introduced to "Pee Wee's Playhouse" and they LOOOOOOVE IT.  And to be perfectly honest, I've been enjoying the DVDs as well.  The man is a genius, and I will actually see him live in January, hooray!

5. Wow, 4 good things about my kids!  :)  Seriously, things at home are smooth sailing compared to previous quarters.  I declare the familial recession to be over; good times, here we come.

3 things I did well:

1. I am continuing to work out, albeit a bit irregularly because of my bronchitis thing.  Some days I feel like I can breathe and some days I can't, but I've been going to the gym 2-3 times a week for a few weeks now.  W00t.

2. I am religiously volunteering every Thursday in Isaac's classroom!  It is so much fun.  Today I taught the kindergartners the valuable game of "Jump Over the Wriggling Snake" using a jump rope.  I actually got admonished for riling the kids up when recess was about to end, but fight the power!!!!!

3. Ever since I got The News that I may be one step closer to Wilford Brimley (for reference, see below), I've been really good about observing what I eat.  I generally eat well and will be even better now; I think I'll be okay.

 

2 things I am looking forward to:

1.This Saturday I am going to be representing the Kimchi Mamas at BANANA, an APA blogger symposium at USC.  Apparently it will be filmed, so future generations will get to witness the ever-elusive Outspoken Overweight Korean Female in her natural habitat.  Please come!  Lots of famous online personalities will be there, including Angry Asian Man and Hyphen Magazine.

2. I love the conversations we have in the comments section.  It's like our very own symposium!  Now that explains why I'm drunk on Ouzo and wearing a bedsheet pinned at my shoulder.

Sigh, I feel a bit better now.  Do you?

More on Spc. Alexis Hutchinson

Public outcry pressured the Army not to ship Spc. Hutchinson out on the 15th, hooray! 

Courage to Resist posted a longer article on the situation along with quotes from Spc. Hutchinson and her mother.  They also mentioned that conservative talk show hosts have already picked up her story and are knocking on her status as a single mother of color!!!  They "boldly" question whether people would care of Spc. Hutchinson was a man, and hello!  I think there would be an even BIGGER furor if a single dad (and for the sake of argument, make him a single white dad) had his child taken away, not because he was defecting, but because he needed more time to find another caregiver during his deployment.  Everyone, including aforementioned conservative talk show hosts, would be clamoring to care for that baby.

It seems like now the battle will be a legal one, and they are asking for donations to build up the case and to support the family during this crisis time.

Man, my blood is a-boilin'!

Please Help Alexis Hutchinson

I just got this email from Courage to Resist that has me in a mommy tizzy. 

When notified that she will be deployed to Afghanistan, Army Specialist Alexis Hutchinson, single mother to 11-month-old Kamani, did what all responsible servicewomen do: set up a childcare plan.  Namely, Kamani was to stay with her mother during her deployment.  However, after one week, her mom realized taking care of an infant was too much to bear when she also had to take care of 3 other dependents (a special-needs daughter as well as an ailing mother and sister).  So, Alexis again did what any mother would do under these circumstances: she asked for more time to find another caregiver.  At first the Army granted her the extra time, but later reversed their decision and threw Alexis in jail and Kamani into the foster care system when she didn't show up for her flight. 

Never mind the fact that single parents are being asked to leave their infants behind, but this is just too much!  I know the Courage to Resist folks help out war resistors and that might not be your cup of tea, but Alexis' situation is totally different: she just needs more time to find the right childcare for her baby.  All parents know how that feels, and because of this she is in military jail???  It's not right, not even close to right.

More information on what you can do to help can be found on the Courage to Resist website.

Effing Love

I've been thinking a lot about love, messy real-life love, and how the dark side of love rivals the bright side.  It all started when I saw Diane Sawyer interview Rihanna on "20/20," where Rihanna issues this chilling piece of advice:

I am strong. This happened to me. I didn't cause this. I didn't do it. This happened to me, and it can happen to anybody. And I'm glad it happened to me, 'cause now I can help young girls who are going through it. Don't react off of love. Eff love. Come out of the situation and look at it third-person and for what it really is and then make a decision, because love is so blind.

EFF LOVE???  Wow, that simple sentence rocked my world.  Because, of course, it's true.  Love is inextricably coupled with less awe-inspiring feelings: shame, guilt, dependence, obligation, martyrdom, jealousy, obsession.  And I'm not even referring to lust vs. love, or romantic love vs. familial love...all loving relationships have these aspects to them.  Even the biblical God, who everyone says "is love," describes himself as a jealous god. 

For example, take my love for my kids.  I love them so much, no question about that, but I feel like they deserve so much more than I can actually give them (cue in guilt).  I feel like they got the short end of the mommy stick because I work most of the day (shame) and by the time we are all together again in the evening, I am often too distracted or tired to be the fun, 100% engaged mom they need (obligation).  Then, when the guilt is too much, I start resenting them and feel sorry for myself, and in response I perversely sacrifice myself more and more to prove to God-knows-who that I still love them (Hello martyrdom, my old friend!).  And at the same time, I feel very fiercely connected to them; if anyone questions my parenting style or challenges my love for them I attack with all claws erect.  The thought of sharing them with a future stepmom should I ever get divorced makes my blood boil (dependence, jealousy, obsession).  Ugh, it's a hateful thing sometimes, love.

I think this is so because love for others is maybe 50% about the actual people; the other 50% is about you.  Then again, I always think everything goes back to me, so I don't fully trust this assertion.  However, I do think in order to attain a higher, purer form of love, it needs to be more separate from the self; but how does that happen, and what does that look like?

I didn't know, so I consulted the experts.

Apparently, love is hugs and kisses. I'll start with that, and see where it leads.  Something tells me, though, that it cannot always be that simple.  But maybe it will.

When Mama Plays...

This is Julie Kang, reporting live from Birthdaypalooza 2009!!!  There are currently 8 women staying over at our modest 1300-square-foot house celebrating 5 birthdays. 

Sooooo...what do 8 females do in Southern California when left to their own devices and get stuck at home because the hostess is sick?  Well, first they all coo over said hostess and help her clean up her own mess.  I love my girls.  Then they do this:

$20 union suits and $1 socks courtesy of Tarjhey!  Is that some bomb-ass fetishistic shit or what?

Oh, where are Tim and the kids, you ask?  Well, they are staying over at my parents' place and drove down to Legoland today.  Does Tim rock?  Oh hell yes.  And all 8 of us will simultaneously show our appreciation tomorrow in one big make-out session.

Now We are Six (plus 25)

So today is my birthday!  To celebrate, Tim and I are going out to grab some Ethiopian food tonight.  That's it!  And I'm very happy.

I guess this quiet haze of contentment stems from the fact that I finally kept a promise to myself: I started working out a couple weeks ago.  The first couple workouts were fine, the third left me curled up on the floor, dry-heaving and almost soiling myself, and the fourth was almost...enjoyable?  Dare I say that out loud? 

For someone who is as sweat-averse as I am, making it even this far is a huge milestone.  I meet with my trainer on Mondays and Wednesdays, and she, the former ballet dancer, has re-introduced me to parts of my body that haven't received any attention in years.  Ow!  Hello, abdominal muscles!  Oof!  Nice to see you again, triceps, what's shakin'?  But apparently, the pain is a good thing.  Healthy people have such fucked up moral codes, don't they?

I don't have any specific weight loss goals in mind, I'm mostly doing it to feel healthier and have more energy.  And so far, the only progress I see is that I can do a few more crunches before I pass out.  But I'll be sure to post a picture of my 6-pack next month.  LOL!

Here is this year's music dedication to myself.  The bastards disabled embedding: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=veN2gyCEj8s